Space Exploration News


NASA announced yesterday that their latest unmanned lunar probe, Steve III, has discovered significant deposits of what appears to be warm toast near the Moon’s South Pole.

A NASA spokesperson said, to an astonished press corps:

Adding this to last year’s discovery of significant thick-cut marmalade deposits by the earlier lunar probe, Steve II, just slightly to the left of the Sea of Tranquillity, brings much closer the prospect of a manned Lunar base by the end of the decade.

The spokesperson later went on to say:

We have reason to believe that the quantities of both toast and marmalade are more than adequate enough to support a self-sustaining moonbase. However, if our initial estimates of the extent of these deposits are correct, then there could be enough of both toast and marmalade to support manned missions to Mars, or even further afield in the solar system. Especially if the early indications of there being a 24-hour supermarket orbiting in one of Saturn’s rings are confirmed by our latest probe Nigel VII when it does a fly-by survey early next year.

With the discovery, three years ago, by the Mars probe, Doris VI, of the massive milky tea lake near the Martian equator, the addition of these newly-discovered lunar deposits means that there are enough resources now available – without the prohibitively huge payload costs of uplifting them from Earth – for many manned missions to explore much more of the solar system. That is, of course, providing NASA can either find enough astronauts who like their tea quite milky, or – failing that – if NASA can get the necessary funding to finalise refinement of its currently very crude tea-demilkifying technology enough to provide a decent space-worthy nice cup of tea suitable for deep space exploration.

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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