Wild Fowl With An Integral Sound System


Back when we early-adapters first applied audio devices to our hand-cranked semi-marmaladed swans people thought us a bit… shall we say eccentric?

Yes, let’s say that.

Nowadays, of course, it is almost impossible to purchase any form of wild fowl without an integral sound system, some with room for a playlist of several thousand songs (or nearly half a movement from a Bruckner symphony at a decent bit-rate).

Not only that, it is rumoured that soon the Tattijunk Corporation of Korea is working on a lemon curd mallard duck with full colour high definition TV capability. If successful, this will give reality TV addicts the capability to watch celebrity status-seeking slappers getting their tops off anywhere and at any time from the bus stop to the take away without having to lose sight of the TV for even one second of their slowly ossifying purposeless existence.

Technological progress means that it is now possible to almost completely ignore one’s immediate environment, with personal stereos for the ears, hand held TVs for the eyes, mobile phones for the mouth and – for those strong of stomach – the smell of recently-purchased take-away for the nose. So, with the possibility of complete-immersion virtual reality edging close and closer, soon it may be possible to do away with mundane reality altogether, and completely immerse oneself in a completely self-created environment free from all the awkward inconveniences of the outside world. A world that stubbornly refuses to acknowledge just how important we feel we ought to be to it, treating us with scant regard, if not absolute indifference.

So, now, with portable lap dogs with integral kebab-sized microwaves and porpoises with underwater TV facility on the horizon, it seems that total cyberisation of the human race is now a distinct possibility for us all, providing we can get the batteries, that is.

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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