Researchers at a British university have discovered a way of convincing their partners that intelligent men – such as them – are more likely to remain monogamous.
However, despite extensive research they have yet to discover what their womenfolk are getting up to, as none of them are brave enough to ask.
As the head of the research team said:
The evidence we have gathered clearly shows that the less intelligent the man the more like he is to be discovered when being unfaithful. This undoubtedly leads us to our published conclusion that intelligent men – like all the researchers involved in this study – are much more likely to be monogamous, and – consequently – we can only conclude that any wife, girlfriend or partner of such intelligent men – such as those of us who work in academia – has absolutely nothing to worry about at all… oh no… definitely not.
Those texts, for example, that my wife… er… the wife of someone in the study discovered… that were addressed to one of my… er… his graduate students… er… work colleagues… have a perfectly innocent explanation and the references to what kind of underwear she should take on our… er… their forthcoming field… er… business trip were purely for the sake of research purposes only.
Our reporter then asked another psychologist involved in the research the obvious question:
Isn’t it rather more the case that intelligent men are just better at getting away with it?
The researcher replied:
Ssssh! Do you want to give the whole bloody game away? Look it was a stroke of genius coming up with this sca… piece of vital research. How else are we going to convince our wives that there is nothing dirty or desperate about us jetting off to academic conferences in first-class exotic holiday resorts with a bevy of sexy young graduate students to assist us without her getting even a bit suspicious?