It has been announced that the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in Switzerland will today attempt to smash beams of protons together at massive energies.
However, just down the road a bit, at the European Large Hardon Collider they are also about to start investigations in search of another fundamental physical particle predicted by theoretical research.
The European Large Hardon Collider was set up by the European Institute For Finding Out About Stuff (EIFFOAS) in order to investigate why men seem to suddenly get hard-ons most of the time, sometimes seemingly at only the slightest provocation.
The theoretical work that has been done on this problem suggests that there must be some force out there in many ways akin to form of gravity. For just as any stray bit of junk will be captured by the gravitational field of a star or planet and dragged towards the larger body, in much the same way a male’s eyes will irresistibly turn towards any exposed female flesh, especially towards the more interesting bits.
Some scientists speculate that this force must also bend light in the same way as gravity, because no matter where else a man may try to look, it always makes him eventually and irresistibly stare down at the exposed cleavage.
Like gravity, this force is also dependant upon the size of the attracting article, as the more of the breast that is exposed, and the larger the breast, the more the male glances will be attracted towards it.
The fundamental particle behind this force – the Tition, or Big Bosom particle – like the graviton, or the Higgs Boson has yet to be seen under experimental conditions. But once it is found then progress can be made towards a unified theory of sexual attraction.
However, just as the other fundamental particles have their opposites: electron
– positron, proton – anti-proton. The particles of sexual attraction have their opposites. It has been postulated that the opposite particle to the tition is the nagion. Some scientists dispute this, however, as no correlation has been found
between the two particles, for it has been discovered through many experiments that even quite a small quantity of nagging by a nearby wife or girlfriend is often
enough to nullify the attractive force of any partially-exposed breast in the vicinity of the man.
Anyway, scientists are hoping to discover far more about these fundamental sex particles once this initial run of the European Large Hardon Collider has been completed.