Eroticism and the Intellectuals


Alabaster Kneetrembler first came to the attention of the general public in the late 1980s when the concept of fully-consensual mixed naked chin-stroking first became acceptable in polite society. It first started out amongst certain liberally-minded left-wing intellectuals as a reaction against wheat they saw as the rampant consumerism prevalent at the time, mixed with the – inevitably, during that era – finer principals of feminism, whilst still allowing people to get their clothes off and fiddle around with each other’s interesting bits, albeit – of course – with an intellectual pretension that distinguished their undertakings from the – to their eyes – rather suburban swinging scene. This was because the adherents of naked chin-stroking (as it came to be called) were usually fervent espousers of the concept of public transport, and – therefore – often had no car keys to lob into the dish at such events. They also had their doubts about how ethically-sourced and produced were the drinks, snacks, intimate lubricants and other optional devices and items of fetish apparel available at that sort of party too.

Firstly, however, the nascent practice of fully-consensual mixed naked chin-stroking needed to acquire a theoretical intellectual base in order to bring it in line with all the other such practices those of the Left indulged in at the time.

In short, it needed a book to provide the necessary cod-justification for those of the Left to get naked with each other in a politically-correct, sexually-equal and ethnically-diverse way, welded to the sort of intellectually pretentious twaddle they seemed to enjoy gorging themselves on in between protest marches and fermenting industrial unrest in the public sector. This is where Alabaster Kneetrembler came in. Already famous for instigating a sit-in amongst the students at Essex university in the late 1970s as a protest against the use of non-sustainable wood in the pencils provided by the university for the use of students, as well as the hegemonic quasi-imperialism inherent in the university assuming that the students would wish to write things down at some point during their education at the university.

By that time it was commonly accepted by the Left that normal sexual relations between the sexes was inherently sexist and prejudiced against the bodily-integrity and orgasmical self-determination of women. Consequently, everybody on the Left – males included – were encouraged to become lesbians.

However, Kneetrembler, shocked and outraged the establishment by going further than what was already regarded as dangerously subversive by those not of the Left, by calling for a repeal of the 1782 law which banned naked chin-stroking even between consenting adults, with the Daily Mail screaming outrage in an editorial that predicted the total collapse of British society, and a massive fall in house prices, should women be encouraged to stroke their chins in public whilst fully-dressed, let alone as naked as Kneetrembler insisted they should be.

However, when film stars, leading literary and artistic figures, celebrities, TV stars and – even – minor members of the Royal Family came out and admitted that they had stroked their own chins whilst naked, and – shockingly enough to the Daily Mail – Princess Margaret admitted she had stroked the chin of another man who was not her husband, people began to realise that times had changed.

Consequently, these days it is not unusual for people – whether naked or dressed – to freely stroke their own, or someone else’s, chin with scant regard for how shocking such an act would have seemed barely a quarter of a century ago.

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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