The Return Of The Sexual Peccadillo


For several hundred years now, it has been assumed that – like its close cousin, the dodo – that the wild Frankly Not Very Well Crested at All (or, Sexual) Peccadillo was extinct.

However, deep in the previously unexplored jungles at the heart of the Island of Langerhans, near the still active Vas Deferens volcano, a team of zoologists from the University of The Gorbals discovered several wild flocks of these now infamous birds playing Strip Ludo with a Norwegian missionary in the car park of the island’s only out-of-town supermarket.

This is indeed good news, especially for those tempted to try the wilder shores of sexual deviance, as legend has it that these birds have a natural aptitude for the perverse and deviant unmatched in any other wild fowl, including the infamous Great White Naughty Goose of North-east Canada and the Filthy Little Guillemot which is the only sexually deviant seagull native to the British Isles, famous – of course – for its use of sex toys cunningly crafted out of flotsam during its mating displays.

However, since the Sexual Peccadillo is the most promiscuous animal known on the planet, wiling to mate with everyone and everything at the drop of a tail feather, and since it has been said that the birds produce the best and tastiest meat of all birds, then the precise location of this flock is being kept a closely-guarded secret by the – now rather tired and rather well-fed – researchers.

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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