Prostitute: My Secret Shame

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[The squalid den of iniquity where the alleged ‘MPs’ go about their sordid trade]

Yesterday, a tearful £70 an hour prostitute wept as she finally admitted – to her shame – that she was married to a politician, saying:

I really hope this doesn’t put the punters off, knowing that I’ve had first-hand experience of the sordid world of politics. However, as soon as I realised that my husband was about to become an MP, I did the decent thing and left him. I can prove it.

Last night the vice world was in shock as it came to terms with the fact that one of their own had willing been consorting with an MP, apparently without money changing hands.

As one working girl said:

It brings the whole profession into disgrace. I don’t know whether I’ll be able to hold my head up next time I’m out on the street corner touting for business.

According to the vice’ girls hastily acquired PR representative; the prostitute met the man in question whilst on holiday in Bognor Regis, where, as the prostitute herself said:

At no time at all did he express any interest at all in anything as kinky as politics. I mean I’ve had a few clients who were apparently MPS, but I always made it perfectly clear that they would have to pay extra if they wanted me to pretend to be interested in their manifesto, or if they wanted me to ready a policy document to them whilst wearing exotic underwear and fisherman’s waders.

It wasn’t until we got back home from the honeymoon, that he started talking openly to me about being an MP and ‘doing it for the expenses’. I was so shocked I forgot to ask him for some of the money.

The MP at the heart of the scandal was said to be in hiding in his constituency office and therefore unavailable for comment. Later, the prostitute confirmed that she would soon be commencing divorce proceedings and wished to ‘put the whole nightmare behind her’ as soon as she could, and ‘get back to a honest way of life’.

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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