Of Monsters and Men


Of course, there are many ladies who often find themselves beguiled by such sights as a fully-kilted Scotsman tossing his caber while his sporran oscillates gently in the Highland breezes.

As is now well-known it was a certain Highland lass called Morag who was the first to see what latter became known as the Loch Ness Monster when when one of those strong Highland breezes temporarily displaced Craig McHaggiss’s kilt as he bent over to take a firm grip on his caber. Morag later said she had devoted the rest of her long life to watching Scotsmen tossing their cabers, but never again did she ever see anything to match Craig McHaggiss’s Loch Ness monster.

Far away too, in the frozen Himalayas, where one would think the climate would mitigate against such a phenomena, the ladies in that area have legends of the Yeti – often mistranslated as the abominable snowman, but a more accurate translation would be the very well-hung snowman. Often described by the wide-eyed woman as being much, much bigger than a normal human male, whilst adding wistful that it – far from being abominable – knows just how to treat a lady.

The more modest age that was the backdrop to the wider exploration of the American colonies too, meant that a certain man-beast found there was rather coyly referred to as Big-Foot, while the women in the know would wink at each other and add ‘you know what they say about men with big feet’ whist holding their hands a fair distance apart. They also described the beast as being ‘very shaggy’, without specifying just which meaning of shag they had in mind.

All in all then, there is far more to these more beast than man legends than some men are willing to admit, at least whilst the ladies are sitting there with those rather smug smiles on their faces.

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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