Holy Book Desecration


Riots continued for the twenty-seventh day in a row yesterday in the strict Uttabollux country of Alfiesgoatstain, caused by the rumour that someone had desecrated the Uttabollux holy book – The Madeupstuff.

Rioting broke out in the holy city of Tourhisttrhap when a rumour spread through the fundamentalist Uttabollux city that someone had inadvertently read a few pages of the Uttabollux holy book.

Uttabolluxers regard The Madeupstuff as far too holy for anyone – including their religious leaders, known as the Dhaftghits, or any religious scholars – to actually read, especially ordinary lay Uttabolluxers. A religious scholar is only able to become a Dhaftghit if he can guess correctly what the other Dhaftghits before him have guessed about what The Madeupstuff contains, especially the forbidden verses about the goats.

A man was arrested in Tourhisttrhap, twenty-six days ago, and the religious police took the precaution of stoning him to death just in case he had managed to read a few pages of The Madeupstuff. As the first stones hit the blasphemer, he supposedly confessed to reading several pages of The Madeupstuff under the impression that it was the latest thriller from Dan Brown. However, the Dhaftghit of Tourhisttrhap pronounced a fatghit (religious condemnation) on him anyway.

Every Uttabolluxer must have a copy of The Madeupstuff, which they must only ever look at seventeen times a day while thinking about what it may contain, but must not – ever – take even a peak inside the covers on penalty of death.

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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