A New Religion

Still, I suppose she had the banjo, so it was not a wasted journey. Despite all the trouble we had finding the place, it was – as these things go – rather a quiet affair. That is the trouble, of course, with inventing a new religion. In its early days it does tend to be a somewhat solitary affair.

The wife, before she became the Keeper of the Ceremonial Banjo, had suggested setting up a group on some social media site or other. But that sort of thing tends to attract the weirdos. It is section of the population that is usually a fertile hunting ground for those wishing to set up new religions, revitalise old ones or start revolutionary – or even reactionary – political movements. However, that is not really the market sector we are looking for.

We are – ideally – looking for the more aspirational, the ambitious, the fashionable, the cool. As the old religions grow more and more distant and out of touch, the wife and I believe there is a gap in the market for a more modern, up to date religion. One the middle-aged and – especially – the young of today can feel unembarrassed about joining, even – perhaps – going as far as wearing the religion’s official Ceremonial T-shirt, or even the official baseball cap. Not just only at our ceremonies, including the Saturday night barbecue which is the central part of our devotions. In some respects it similar, in a way, to Sunday worship for the Christians, Saturday for the Jewish and the Muslim Friday.

Of course, those old religions did do some cunning marketing by holding their most religious days and ceremonies at the weekend, but we feel they have missed out on the party atmosphere a bit. So our religion tends to concentrate more on the food, drink and dancing than those old religions.

Hence, of course, the use of the banjo as an item of sacrifice. After all, who doesn’t enjoy setting fire to things? Which is – I suppose – why the barbecue itself remains popular. This despite most of the people attending, as well as the hosts, having kitchen filled with expensive cooking technology that makes the open fire of a barbecue look superfluous, if not somewhat ridiculous.

Anyway, such are the ways of religion and it wouldn’t be a proper religion without a bit of mystery. Especially that part of the Holy Barbecue where the wife disappears into the bushes at the bottom of the temple garden with the doubters. Having them return to our flock as full converts only a few minutes later, does – I think – show my wife’s dedication to the cause. Although, the wife does say the damp grass is starting to affect her joints, especially her knees. But, as I often point out a religion – no matter how new, exciting and revolutionary, still needs a bit of martyrdom.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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