For Personal Use Only

Obviously it doesn’t always work as it should, but then what can you expect at that sort of price? Especially when the so-called optional attachments appear to be essential to the operation of the unit. The thing itself without those ‘optional attachments’ then turns into little more than a conversation piece. Although, considering that the item itself is widely-known as a sexual aid, some of those conversations, especially with elderly relatives and members of the clergy can be somewhat… unusual. Especially so when those aforesaid members of the clergy demonstrated a familiarity with the item that surpasses even the intricate knowledge demonstrated by those elderly relatives.

Well, I suppose when you think of it, having a job where you only have to annoy the god of your choice one day a week does leave you with time on your hands… as it were. The same, of course, applies to retirement. A time of life where there are only so many games of bingo in the old folks home that one can tolerate. Also, when the vicar comes around to the home for his weekly pastoral visit and cup of tea, both of you will be too worn out and satiated for anything but the most desultory of conversations.

Anyway, there she was thinking that she had got the latest in such gadgets, but she was somewhat at a loss as to what to use it for. Although, one of the optional attachments, the egg whisk, was given away free with the device in the special offer she purchased. However, the instructions do explicitly warn against using the egg whisk attachment in intimate situations. The instructions insist that the aforesaid attachment be used only in the domestic kitchen, mainly for whisking eggs and other such foodstuffs. Otherwise there is a real danger of voiding the warranty and the manufacturers take no responsibility for injury through misuse of the device and whisk attachment if used for anything other than food preparation.

Of course, although the offer did not make it explicitly clear when she bought it, she assumed that the egg whisk attachment nomenclature was some sort of euphemism. Probably for an attachment offering a more intimate personal service. So, as you can probably imagine, she was more than a little disconcerted to discover the egg whisk attachment was – in fact – meant to whisk eggs and not offer any form of intimate sensual experience and satiation. That is – of course – unless one is sexually satisfied by the sensual frenzy of whisking eggs – but enough about me.

Anyway, there was on the website this week another special offer where five of the attachments are available for the price of three. So she has sent off for them. Although, personally, I see little use for the integrated DVD player. However, she did – at the same time – order complete box sets of the films of George Clooney, Bradd Pitt and Daniel Craig. So I think she may have thought of a use for it.

Anyway, we will see.

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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