The Sensual Kitchen

Of course, Rupertina Dumplings was one of the first in the country to try it. She has since her early days as a TV chef always had a keen interest in the erotic possibilities inherent in the everyday world. For instance, Dumplings was the first to take the erotic possibilities of the egg-whisk seriously. This, long before any other celebrity TV chef used one. Even before celebrity TV chef, Dollop Servingsuggestion, used one to whip up a kitchen maid into a state of sensual awareness in the vicinity of a lemon meringue.

Of course, as celebrity chef, Rupertina Dumplings does rather excite a certain portion of the male TV audience with her use of the whisk or when kneading dough in sensual slow motion close-up.

However, it is Dumplings’ use of the cheese-grater, in what some have claimed is an overly sexual manner, that has raised concerns about the suitability of her programme for a family audience. Especially since the incident when she fell out of her apron into an unusually large bowl of warm custard during her Christmas special last year.

Although, the DVD sales of that series have significantly outperformed every other title in the market, especially since the release of the Director’s Cut version. This features an extended HD version of the custard incident, with special live commentary by John Motson, brought out of semi-retirement specifically for the occasion.

However, recently more and more TV critics, echoed by only a minority of viewers, have begun to complain about Rupertina Dumplings and her programmes. Many of them say she has long since left the traditional idea of the TV cookery show behind. They claim she now concentrates less on producing dishes and meals and more on what some call ‘the erotic possibilities of kitchen utensils’. Rupertina Dumplings, of course, denies this and says it is hardly her fault that her skimpy tops often pick up a transparent sheen of olive oil. Or, that she accidentally caresses an erogenous zone or two with a spatula while waiting for her leeks to come to the boil.

However, we will have to wait for the next series of her TV show. Maybe then, we will see if Rupertina Dumplings brings about any changes to what has been until now a highly-successful formula.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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