Dogging Around

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Punnet Kneetrembler is probably one of the UK’s leading hot sex entrepreneurs. Although little-known outside the casual sex scene, apart from that infamous incident with the chiropodist from Luton, she is regarded as one of the leading sex experts of our time.

As outdoor casual sex had become increasingly popular in the British Isles, Kneetrembler has become one of the most important and influential experts on the scene. She provides an in-depth analysis of all the best places outdoors to engage in whatever sexual acts you desire and the likelihood of those acts taking place in a certain vicinity. She also provides information on the locations of the nearest shops selling the essential watermelons, thigh-length waders, mittens and bobble hats necessary for outdoor sex in the UK.

Although surprising to many of us who have some familiarity with the vagaries of the British weather, this predilection for having sex outdoors does go to the heart of something about the British character. After all, there is not much that sums up what it is to be British than the dogged pursuit of something, despite the elements, bureaucracy, forces of law and order and even common sense all stacking up against you. The more obstacles you put in a British person’s way to prevent them doing something, the more inclined they will be to do it. Often just to prove it can be done.

Going outdoors in the middle of a cold damp February evening is bad enough. To do it just to have sex with people you don’t know, and probably wouldn’t like if you did know them, must have some reasons beyond mere sexual gratification. Not only for the devotees of these pastimes to continue doing them, but also seizing on them with this apparent increasing alacrity.

However, the only alternative to venturing out in the British weather to have sex with someone you don’t know is to stay at home and have sex with someone you are married to. Maybe this explains the alacrity with which the British have taken to dogging, as it is known, and is probably not that surprising after all.

This is why Punnet Kneetrembler has become such a well-known authority, commentator and post-match analyst on the swinger scene. For, a modest membership fee her Kneetrembler Swingers Club provides maps and surveys of the best areas for these activities. Especially important is her precise mapping of the local nettle beds, so vital for after dark surreptitious naked romping.

She also provides a fleet of mobile snack vans that visit each of the most popular areas. After all, there is nothing the British like better than a nice cup of tea and, perhaps, a post-coital bacon sandwich. Not only that, the informal setting of Punnet Kneetrembler’s mobile snack vans enables one to be introduced to one’s recent sexual partners. Often in a much more informal manner than would otherwise be the case in other social situations in the UK.

For that reason alone, we all must be grateful to Punnet Kneetrembler for the vital services her Kneetrembler Swinger’s Club provides.

 

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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