Taking The Blame

Possibly, it was too late, but then – in the end – who really knows? After all, as she said at the time… er….

Well, I’m sure she said something… possibly at great length. After all, it would be most unlike her not to have an opinion on such matters. Especially – as is usually the case – she can see both an unbroken evidence chain and a clear causal relationship between all the events. Evidence which clearly shows – to her at least – that it was all, indubitably, my fault… as usual.

After all, it does seem that she will eventually find a direct link – at least in her mind – between what has gone wrong and some error or omission on my part. After all, that does seem to be what I’m here for. She has – at the time of writing – yet to find a direct causal link between something I’ve done – or, more likely, not done – and the latest crisis in the Middle East. Or, between me and global warming, but it is surely only a matter of time.

Still, it was obvious to her that it was me forgetting to put the bins out in that particular week which led to the England team’s early exit from the last World Cup.

She is convinced it was my refusal to comment favourably and fulsomely on her latest clothing acquisitions at the time that led directly to the episode of devastating floods that have hit Britain in recent years. Although, the meteorological experts are yet to agree with her.

Furthermore, my complete lack of interest in the doings of her from up the road and the strange activities of him in number 22 obviously led to the banking crash and the world financial crisis. Although, to be fair she has yet to accuse me of being in any way responsible for Gordon Brown, but I feel that is only a matter of time. In particular, she has not as yet had time to continue her research into recent political history as there is something seriously afoot in one of the many TV programmes she is watching. But I do feel it is only a matter of time before damning evidence is found linking me to that disaster.

Nevertheless, she is positive that Tony Blair was almost entirely my fault. In addition, she feels I must bear the lion’s share of responsibility for Nick Clegg. I’ve also noticed her eyeing me suspiciously whenever Nigel Farage appears on the TV news, despite my protestations of innocence.

After all, in her eyes I still haven’t apologised enough for the extinction of the dodo. But it will be her birthday soon and I will then have a chance to make amends.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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