Musical Nudity: A Warning From History

Quite possibly, it was down to the weather. Being British, she didn’t really know what to do when the rain stopped and the sun came out. Although, perhaps someone with a little more experience of sunnier climes would not have taken off so many clothes at once. Then, of course, if we accept the notion of causality, the lorry would not have crashed into the lamppost.

However, many more who witnessed the incident were more intrigued – or in some cases – perturbed by what she was about to do with the courgette and the accordion.

After all, I’m sure that many of us here will be more than familiar with the dangers of the accordioning, especially with an accordion operated by the underdressed. In particular, the danger of an errant nipple getting too closely involved with the accordion’s bellows mechanism, especially during the somewhat more up-tempo numbers. It is something that has brought a tear to the eye of many an observer, as well as the player of that particular instrument.

As, for that matter, is the danger of playing the spoons, especially when in a crowd of the undressed. After all, the percussive effects of some expertly-wielded spoons is somewhat of a shock to the system when played upon the undressed protuberances of the unsuspecting. In addition, as the spoons are metal, they are often quite cold to the touch, especially in the regions not normally exposed to the elements. That is of particular concern in the UK, of course, as the elements here generally tend towards the cold or damp, or often – except for the annual day of summer – both.

As for the bagpipes, playing them whilst naked is – quite obviously – not recommended. After all, that was why the sporran was invented.

Other instruments to avoid whilst nude are, of course, the wind instruments, especially the trombone, which can be somewhat anti-social, especially in a crowd. It can sometimes upset any nearby plates of cucumber sandwiches wherever the underdressed gather to socialise.

You should also be careful where you rattle your tambourine, especially in mixed company.

However, a lady well-versed in double-tonguing an instrument is always welcome in polite society when in the natural undressed state as well as – of course – any lady who knows how to bow her cello.

Although, any naked man who wishes to practice on his horn in a naturist gathering should first check that he is not going to inconvenience any others nearby, especially when he reaches the crescendo of his repertoire.

Potential nudists should also be aware that tinkling their triangles is often frowned upon when in mixed company, too.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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