Well, of course.
Or, rather – off course.
It is not that obvious, even in these says of satnavs and Google maps, but she did say it was there, and who are we to doubt her?
After all, she had been there before.
So she said.
Still, even after all these years, none of us would ever dare suggest she could be mistaken. After all, I am the husband and therefore being the one in the wrong is my job.
Yes, it is one of those equal marriages, one where she is always right and equally I am always wrong.
Even in those cases when it is both I and the rest of the world that is wrong. After all, if she had been in charge back when the big bang finally got its act together and started creating this universe, she would have made sure it came up to her standards.
Or there would have been trouble.
Personally, I wouldn’t have given any odds on the universe coming out of that particular encounter as the winner either.
After all, what are mere laws of nature compared to a woman who knows she is right?
So, we kept on looking.
After all, even in the twisty narrow lanes of the English countryside there are only so many places you can hide a village. At the time, it seemed like we’d looked in all of them.
No. Not there either.
There does come a time in the sequence of perambulations when all narrow country lanes all look the same. All signs too – such that there are – all seem to point to places you’ve already been. However, this time I was fairly confident that we had indeed exhausted all possibilities.
For once, she agreed with me.
Which was worrying.
The novelty of it stunned me into inaction for a while.
But then she got that gleam in her eye.
Which was more worrying.
‘If we can’t find it,’ she said. ‘We can always go somewhere else.’
It was then I knew I had fallen into her cunning trap.
Her smile was the smile of victory, of a plan coming to fruition, of a stratagem gaining the prize.
I knew then I was defeated and that surrender was the only honourable option open to me.
I restarted the engine and pointed the car homeward.
‘On the way back we can stop off at that DIY place, get the stuff you need for those jobs you promised to do.’ She smiled sweetly, but it was a smile of victory.