The UK’s Leading Lifestyle Guru

Pencilcase Furryslippers is probably the UK’s leading lifestyle guru. She made herself world-famous by her daring use of the cardigan at some of London’s leading nightspot during her early twenties. Furthermore, it is often Furryslippers who is credited with creating the wave of fashionable night time hot chocolate consumption that swept through the hip and happening coffeehouses at the turn of the decade.

She was also one of the first women in the capital’s trendiest areas to engage in public displays of full-frontal knitting. This act caused shock and outrage amongst those who saw themselves as the leading trendies, hipsters and fashionistas of the period.

However, it soon became clear that Furryslippers herself was quite serious about her involvement in the – then largely underground – knitting scene. At first, this blatant display of explicit knitting outraged the nation’s media. The media also expressed grave concern over the way Furryslippers, her acolytes and hangers-on proudly displayed the resulting knitwear itself, often in broad daylight.

However, as time went on, people got over their shock and horror of such blatant displays of knitwear. Even the sight – on occasion – Furryslippers herself knitting in public gradually elicited less and less public outrage. It became apparent that the metropolitan elite and their media were out of touch with the general population of the UK.

Many ordinary people when polled said they thought there was nothing wrong with public knitwear displays, or even knitting in public. Pressure from their user-base also forced several social networks – including Facebook – to reverse their previous bans on blatant knitwear exposure, and even explicit knitting-action photos, from appearing on their site.

As behind the times and public opinion as usual, there were several questions asked in both Houses of Parliament about the spread of knitwear through the British Isles. As well as concern over what could be done to combat it.

There was a change of attitude going on in British society at the time, including a campaign, led by Furryslippers herself, to make the use of knitwear between consenting adults legal.

Over the decades, tales often appeared in the tabloids about teenagers caught in possession of knitting needles and dealing in yarn. Now though these stories became more sympathetic rather than hostile. Even the traditionally hostile Daily Mail called for knitting and the possession of knitwear to be legalised. It even produced an editorial stating that there was no evidence that knitting caused cancer or had any measurable detrimental effect on house prices.

Now, thanks mainly to the tireless campaigning by Furryslippers and her supporters, Britain is no longer a country hostile to knitwear. In fact, several TV channels are thinking of introducing programmes teaching people how to knit safely, which is rather fortuitous as winter is coming.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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