The New Energy Revolution

Back then, obviously, it was different… apart from the anchovies, of course. But such was the nature of pizza-based technology at the time.

Of course, back in the early days of the 21st Century there were still some – despite the evidence – who thought that wind power was the answer to the UK’s energy problems. At least, they did until the government stopped subsidising them and the wind farms fell into disuse faster than a celebrity talent show winner.

Of course, the blades soon fell off the disused wind turbines as more and more – and heavier and heavier – birds used them as rusting roosting spots. Then, as the wind saw it was safe to come out again, the blades soon broke and fell to the ground. Then whole tribes of scrap men emerged from the undergrowth to recycle them into something useful, at last.

Nuclear fusion was, of course, the then preferred option with most people hoping that the problem of containing the high-temperature plasmas was resolved.

However, a physicist working late at the fusion experimental laboratory discovered the extremely high temperatures that the cheese on a pizza can achieve. Up to then, the physics had mainly experimented with takeaway pizzas and the occasional frozen supermarket pizza.

This physicist, however, made his own pizza in the laboratory. There, he discovered that cheese when cooked achieves a temperature normally only otherwise seen in the hottest parts of the sun.

Once he had cooled his mouth down, by sticking his head in a can of liquid nitrogen, he was able to repeat the experiment. Only this time he experimented with not putting the superheated pizza in his mouth, but inside the fusion torus.

It was at that moment that the UK’s first sustainable nuclear fusion pizza came on line. The superheated cheese on the pizza – combined with the essential anchovies and chorizo topping – produced enough power to heat a town the size of Luton. Even now, twenty-five years later that original pizza has cheese still hot enough to sustain the fusion reaction for the next 200 years. Or so scientists predict, providing no-one sneaks into the facility when they are feeling a bit peckish.

For, as scientists have discovered, despite being safe, efficient, producing no waste except for a few crumbs and a handful of uneaten olives, the pizza fusion reactor is without any drawbacks. Providing – of course – that no-one eats the pizza. This means that a high level of security surrounds every pizza fusion facilities, especially if the pizza fusion facility is near any centres of population. In particular, those where people get hungry and just fancy a pizza. Hence, the government’s recent promise to those concerned at the high cost of security that no future facility will be built near student accommodation or within staggering distance of any pub.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

One thought on “The New Energy Revolution

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