In the end, it became inevitable. First was increasing domination of the TV schedules by celebrity versions of popular talent shows masquerading as cooking programmes. All coupled with the desire to watch celebrities making arses of themselves on the dance floor and on ice. This combined with the growing interest in those same celebrities in a state of undress found in their allegedly private selfies, led to a spark igniting in some Programme Concept Engineer’s momentary lapse from self-aggrandisement.
Quickly, tucking himself away and storing the naked celebrity photos for later, the Programme Concept Engineer called a meeting to discuss setting up a meeting to discuss planning a meeting about a new programme concept.
At first, those charged with discussing the viability of his request to set up a meeting about the meeting were a bit confused. After all, no one had had a new idea in television since the early seventies. Consequently, they were not used to having to deal with such an alien notion and were unsure of the best way of setting up a meeting to find out what a ’new idea’ entailed.
However, the Programme Design Concept Visualizer (who had since his original thought had his job title changed) explained that it was not really such a new idea after all. This came as a great relief to the channel executives, who feared an outbreak of originality in the TV business and what such a revolution could do to their salaries and pension packages.
The Innovation Visualizer (Programmes) Concept Manager (another job title change) then set out his idea for the programme later known to the general public as Celebrity Nude Selfie Dancing Bake-off On Ice. Almost immediately, the executives gathered together in the meeting to discuss setting up a meeting saw that this plan would work. Consequently, they cleared all their diaries, suspended any on-going job title changes and immediately started planning the meetings to set up the lunches that would become necessary should the concept go beyond the initial meeting stage.
Of course, problems arose when the celebrities were confronted with the idea of their full-frontal nudity on live prime time TV. However, the producer of the show explained that they could replace the bodies on display with body doubles. Not only that, the programme itself would be on a ten-minute delay. This would enable a team of CGI experts equipped with the very latest in Photoshop technology to make sure the bodies on display were ‘the best they could be’.
Then, once the contracts were signed and the merchandising deals on the celebrities and their nude selfie products were put into production. These ranged from Bake Off Nudie Aprons to Bake Off Nude Selfie coffee mugs and egg cups and much more. Only then could the development of the vital programme trailers begin.
After that was all sorted, they cast around for the cheapest production company they could find to actually make the programmes, at some time yet to be specified.