Deep Into The Unknown Lands

Leyline Cyclepath is probably the UK’s leading celebrity explorer of the modern age. He has thrilled, enthralled and shocked London Metropolitan media luvvies with his televised journeys of discovery and exploration. In particular, his journeys into what they regard as some of the wildest, savage and uncivilised places lying north of the M25.

Only last year, he enthralled the inhabitants of the London Media world with several  hours of fashionable shaky hand-held video footage. All hastily sent back by Cyclepath from his foray deep into the heart of what the media like to call ‘The North’.

At first, Cyclepath had attempted to discover the remains of a once noble lost tribe of indigenous Northmen known through legend as The Rugby League. As legend has it, this fearsome tribe of warriors operates in some of the wildest places of myth and legend in the North, including such mystical and mythical places as Leeds, Bradford and St Helens. As rare, mystical and romantic to Cyclepath’s southern audience as Atlantis and the Garden of Eden have been to other times throughout history.

Cyclepath did, he claimed, hear the mysterious tribe of The Rugby League chanting in the distance, one dark winter’s night. But, he claimed, his native bearers would not approach the citadel of the Rugby League because the bearers worshipped another god called Cricket. A god that hibernates during the long northern winters and is rarely seen, then only on hot, dry days of which there are few that far north of Watford Gap Services.

Cyclepath has also claimed he discovered the lost city of Grimsby. A place spoken of in awe and fear by many travellers who have journeyed deep into the heart of the North, far from the  gentle southern lands they are used to. Some sceptics disputed this, claiming the place is a myth from times before history began. However, Cyclepath claimed that he had indeed been to Grimsby, but explained the lack of any tangible evidence as due to the fact it was shut on the day he arrived.

Cyclepath also once thought about trying to discover the mouth of the mighty Humber a river, which legends tell, meets the sea at a fabulous golden city called Hull. A place where it is rumoured the streets are paved with fish and other signs of great wealth lauded by the residents of that city. A city it is rumoured ruled over by a savage beast called a Lord Prescott, who rides two mighty war chariots at once and curses the world in a dialect all of its own.

However, Cyclepath had to turn back from his attempt to reach the fabled golden city of Hull. Mainly because he ran out of avocado dip, and had to return south as fast as possible before his Oyster card ran out. So maybe mankind will never learn if the fabled Golden City of Hull is a real place or just the stuff of myth and legend, at least for another generation.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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