Well, it wasn’t quite that simple at first. These things never are. Obviously, in this modern world such activities do not receive the opprobrium they would in earlier times, but still….
After all, the erotic use of eggcups is still – it is said – illegal in certain American states. Furthermore, some people in Humberside to this day will not allow the unsupervised use of eggcups in mixed company, unless the participants are of a marriageable age and both are wearing cardigans and slippers.
So anyway, there are certain internet sites where even unmarried people can purchase a brace of eggcups with little or no investigation into their circumstances and what they intend to use those egg cups for.
After all, as some of those politicians caught out in the most recent tabloid sting operation claimed, there are several uses for eggcups beyond the erotic. Although, as befitting today’s’ more cynical age, most people – according to the latest polls – regard such claims as self-serving at best.
After all, some of the most downloaded porn on the internet – I’m led to believe – does feature some very explicit use of eggcups, sometimes even with the eggs and toast soldiers as well.
Of course, the use of the toast did mean that several of the more vocal tabloids called for government legislation to outlaw the erotic use of boiled eggs and soldiers, especially when copiously buttered. They, of course, cite the danger that youngsters – especially children at an impressionable age – will be led astray, or even into sexual experimentation by such images. Of course, this glosses over what older generations in pre-internet times got up to around the back of the bike sheds, boiling their eggs and toasting bread over open fires. They were innocent times only in the rosy glow of nostalgia and selective forgetfulness.
After all, even into the 1970s certain male students were sent down from Oxbridge for inviting female undergraduates into their rooms to dunk their toast soldiers in the male’s eggcups.
Anyway, there is little of the sordid or underhand about such activities these days. Most cities and larger towns have certain clubs where men can watch attractive underdressed young ladies, eating from egg cups. As well as – it is rumoured – in the less well regulated of these clubs – they can go into back rooms. There, those same young ladies – for a fee – will do those other intimate things with eggcups that we all – if we are honest – have fantasised about doing. Some of us may even have tried a time or two, if we are lucky enough to have met someone broadminded enough and with an interest in sexual experimentation… and eggcups.
So, when she opened her kitchen cupboard and showed me her collection of egg cups, I made my excuses and stayed.