Pride And Penalty Shoot-Outs

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Of course, Dandelion Waiftendrill first made her name on the lucrative women’s professional Mr Darcy Bothering circuit. A sport where some of the finest female athletes of the ages have again proved that they are capable of sporting achievement equal to any other professional sport.

Of course, Mr Darcy Bothering is a very competitive sport and thus commands huge stadium crowds, TV audiences and followings for the star players. Especially those like Dandelion Waiftendrill that can manhandle a fully-moistened Mr Darcy in the scrum. She can then get him over the line into wedlock while the rest of the players are still out in the fields criticising each other’s bonnets in a pointed manner.

Of course, professional Mr Darcy Bothering is a very different sport to that played by many amateurs around the park boating lakes and village duck ponds across the country. These places are where the sport began in the early nineteenth century, not long after Jane Austen published her first book of rules for the sport.

Up until, then Mr Darcy Bothering was without a formal set of regulations, or even a body to oversee professional rules and standards. It is said that every English village large and wealthy enough to have a Darcy available would have its one individual set of rules and traditions for how to play the game. Some of which, dating back to post-reformation times, could be very crude, if not, lewd. Allegedly, some methods of pre-moistening the Mr Darcy were based around ancient folk traditions, which some say, contain traces of early pre-Christian pagan worship, witchcraft and penalty shoot-outs.

However, these days, professional Mr Darcy Bothering is a much more regulated affair. It now has its professional leagues, professional associations and official Mr Darcy Moistening measurements overseen by both umpires and the referee.

Consequently, some claim professional Mr Darcy Bothering will soon overtake professional football for audience attendance. Especially for the traditional Mr Darcy Bothering English cup final in the first week of June. A time when women fans from across the country will throng to the newly-completed Wembley boating lake. All wanting to watch top-flight professional Mr Darcy Botherers compete to marry off the character in what many hope will be a world record time, or failing that, after extra-time and a tense penalty shoot-out.

Not only that, the sport’s world governing body is planning to hold a Mr Darcy Bothering World Cup every six years, in stadiums around the world, thus becoming a fixture in direct competition to both the FIFA World Cup and the Olympics.

Many Mr Darcy Bothering Associations confidently predict that the World Darcy Bothering Cup could become the world’s leading sporting fixture before the middle of the century. Such an event is something that all we Dandelion Waiftendrill fans would love to see.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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