Afterwards, she put it all away, back into the special cupboard, and we went back to our normal lives. At least, I did after I’d taken the wild haggis back to the glen and set it free as we’d promised. I stood there, at the foot of Ben y-Hill, watching the wild haggis as it made its way up the hillside. I was hoping it would make it before the feral bagpipes could catch its scent on the wind and give chase.
It had been a good holiday, but it was time to give our tame sporrans back to the sporran kennels and head back over the border into the land of the expensive. Of course, this was a long time ago, back before the EU outlawed the exploitation of Europe’s native wild animals for untoward activities. In particular, this was brought about by the cruel treatment of the wild Italian salami by Italian hunters. Traditionally, they set sharp–toothed steel traps for this normally shy and endearing creature. Then once captured, they cruelly rip its legs off while it is still alive before hanging the maimed salamis up to dry.
Moreover, we all know how Germans dig deep pits out in the black forest, lining them with cruel wooden spikes. All so they can catch the sauerkraut bird as it hops along the forest floor searching for the vinegar it feeds on. There has also been some concern expressed about what the peoples of the same region do to the poor lederhosen llama in order to turn it into an item of clothing.
Anyway, despite the protests by the Iberian Chorizo hunters and the French snail blockade, the EU passed a law outlawing all such practices. Also including the breeding of faggots for the table by British farmers, which many say led directly to the great mushy pea slick that drowned several people in Tipton two years ago.
Other actions by the EU along similar lines have created increasing Europe-wide concern. In particular, that many local delicacies, foodstuffs, traditions and arcane sexual practices are now marginalised, regulated and even made illegal by an increasingly intrusive EU.
Many believe the EU is now going way beyond its original purpose and even its current remit. Many believe that the EU needs reforming and its powers of supra-national law making and arbitrary use of powers to eradicate local differences rescinded.
Otherwise, many fear the increasing disenchantment with its centralising and homogenising action could bring about the community’s destruction. Even despite all it the good work it has done to make our lives the fascinating bureaucratic quagmire they have become.