Scientists Discover Missing Link


Scientists out in the plains of Africa today claimed they had discovered the missing link between humans and one of the human race’s earlier ape-line ancestors. For a long time, anthropologists, archaeologists and other scientists were puzzled by the complete lack of a genetic link between the vast majority of the human race and politicians.

As we all know, politicians are not quite human. Although, they do bear some superficial traits that can make them appear human, most of us know politicians are an entirely alien species. There are some – mostly delude or disturbed – scientists who have claimed that it is possible for humans and politicians to interbreed. However, there has been no record of any such perversion of the natural order ever occurring in the historical record, or at least any such attempt from the human side. Although, there are several stories, printed mostly in tabloid newspapers, of politicians claiming to have had sex with humans. Most people, though, disregard these tales as folk tales, hyperbole, or attempts to instil fear and dread in a gullible populace.

However, as the recently discovered fossils remains demonstrate, humans and politicians began to diverge away from each other several millennia ago. Therefore, even if the unthinkable should happen, it is unlikely that any attempt at a human/politician hybrid could ever prove viable.

As first glance, as with modern politicians, there is little outward sign that the remains discovered in the African desert are those of a proto-politician. However, the archaeologists who made the discovery point out that the fossilised remains do possess rudimentary signs of vocal chords in the anal passage. One of the main differences between politicians and humans today is still this ability of politicians to talk through their arses.

The archaeologists also point out that they discovered the remains in a grave that contained several attempts at claiming for the costs of the ritual burial on expenses. This is, the archaeologists claim, another sign that this is indeed the remains of a politician rather than a human. Buried alongside the body were several large plain envelopes containing a simple ancient coinage. The grave also contained an ancient rudimentary complimentary ticket, which language experts have decoded. This artefact turned out to be a ticket for a fact-finding mission in an area of the world that was then mostly free of the then Ice Age.

There are also, in a nearby cave, several crude drawing of the political creature being caught in a compromising situation with a researcher (an early human/politician hybrid, since extinct). The archaeologists posit that these drawings were probably made by a Stone Age investigative reporter who published them on the cave wall.

The archaeologists have yet to find any definite proof of any Stone Age electoral system in the region. However, they are confident that they have found are definitely the remains of the long lost missing link between humanity and the creatures that went on to become politicians.

Thus, the archaeologists now believe they have solved one of the great outstanding enigmas of early human development.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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