Parliamentary Democracy And The Pineapple


Well, as she said at the time ‘you don’t get many of those to the pound’, which was true enough I suppose, considering the circumstances.

However, we can put the case of pineapples to one side for a moment. At least until there is the necessary number of politicians in attendance, ready for the insertion of the pineapples. Then we will leave that other matter for another day.

After all, politics is – unfortunately – always with us. At least until we can find a cure for it, anyway. So there will always be politicians around whenever we feel the need to establish a more direct connection between the politician, the pineapple and their seat.

Of course, some have, suggested that inserting a pineapple into the orifice politicians normally talk through, then insisting on them firmly taking their parliamentary seat is somewhat cruel. However, others insist would be a more direct form of democracy than mere voting for whichever beast wears the party rosette at election time.

However, the critics of pineapplentary democracy point out that there are probably quite a few people out there who gain sensual satisfaction from inserting a pineapple where the sun doesn’t shine and the parliamentary standards committee doesn’t yet investigate. These critics go on to say that such a system could result in our politicians becoming an even more unrepresentative and out of touch bunch of weirdoes than they are now.

However, some political activists claim that it is about time that those who enjoy erotic pineapple insertion should in this day and age have some parliamentary representation that reflects their particular concerns. Especially in the outrageous pricing of supermarket pineapples, and much-needed regulation on the comfort of seating, especially in doctor’s waiting rooms.

They do, or course, have a point, or if intimately engaged with a pineapple at the time – several points. However, the argument should then be extended towards giving other such interests, minority or not, representation at a national parliamentary level. Although, basing political parties around sexual fetishism would – probably – could make elections somewhat more interesting to the public at large. Nevertheless, it would not – many feel – be much of an improvement on the current party political system. Especially as it seems most of the politicians would be – more or less – the same ones we have now. Except – perhaps – wearing interesting underwear underneath their outer garb, and occasionally carrying a pineapple, watermelon or snorkel and flippers into parliamentary committee meetings.

Many others also claim it would make the perusal of parliamentarian’s expense claims more interesting and thus increase public participation in the political process.

However, many believe that – as mentioned above – the only way out of this current malaise is finding a cure for politics altogether. A solution – alas – that seems as far away as it ever was.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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