Here Is The News… Possibly


Well, as the mighty hordes rushed down upon….

Hang on, that’s next week.

This week is going to be much quieter. After all, the people in the media have decided that the TV news is getting far too interesting. They feel it is starting to deflect interest away from the far more lucrative game show formats, reality television and even home-produced drama series. After all, even if these programmes do not perform as well as the producers of the programme initially hoped, there is always the possibility of lucrative foreign sales. After all, if Celebrity Strip Ludo On Ice fails in this country, there is always the possibility that it will do well overseas. Maybe turning into a money-spinner in those warmer countries where celebrity nudity and ice make a welcome break from the heat.

However, TV executives are growing increasingly concerned that the amount of foreign wars, very contagious diseases and international terrorism are making the news more interesting. Occasionally, even more interesting than the programmes from which they make their money.

After all, there are the adverts to worry about to for the commercial channels. Lately, the TV news has been spending several minutes telling us we are all going to die, mainly from either hideous diseases or imminent terrorist atrocities. Consequently, we are not going to be that receptive to the TV adverts promising us long happy lives, increased sexual prowess and flavours of yoghurt of which we have never seen the like of before.

Therefore, TV news executives have decided to take a leaf out of the current fad for websites with lists of clickbait. Web pages that lead, the easily-diverted towards page upon page of advertising, with snippets and nuggets of fact, speculation or trivia sandwiched between those adverts with easy sharing links to their social network sites of choice.

Thus, in future the TV news will consist of short, entertaining lists and snippet of the day’s news, with chances for audience interaction and participation. That ‘news’ will, of course, be heavily biased towards celebrity news, trivia, quirky ‘facts’ and – of course – cute cat pictures.

Some journalists have complained about this trend. Many of the journalists argue that such an approach trivialises and side-lines the real serious news. They say this reduces their chances of getting awards, or appearing in the Queen’s birthday honours list, after a career of standing in front of a camera. Often in a war zone, spouting the same ill-informed speculation the newsreader in the studio has just uttered. All for little or no obvious purpose, other than copious travel expenses. After all, the journalists often only undertake these assignments in the hope of a photogenic flesh wound on live TV, thereby increasing that journalist’s chances of an award or knighthood.

However, TV audiences have expressed little interest in the changes. Many of them only wishing the news was over much quicker, so they can watch the weather forecast to find out just how much they are going to be rained on the following day.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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