Celebrity watchers were aghast last week when the first of several tabloid front pages claimed to have exclusive footage of some – then unidentified – celebrity ‘sunning themselves’ at an exclusive Caribbean holiday destination. The tabloid warned its readers of the shock the paper had in store for them on the seventeen pages it had devoted to its Earth –Shaking Exclusive. There, in several pictures spread across those seventeen pages, it showed the celebrity – later revealed to be none other than Pumpkin Dropincentre herself – actually cutting her own toenails.
Of course, as soon as the pictures were published Farcebook and the Twatosphere went mad with shocked and outraged fans of Dropincentre responding to the story. All expressing their outrage, shock and trauma at the sight of their heroine engaged in such a mundane task.
‘My faith in Hollywood, celebrity and the star system is in tatters,’ one anguished Dropincentre fan posted on her Farcebook status. ‘I will never look at the world in the same way again.’
Several Dropincentre fan clubs also reported that many members had ceremonially burned their membership cards, returned signed photographs of the star. In several reported cases, fans had tattoos of the film star removed from their bodies. Some of which were in very intimate places, often resulting in a great deal of pain for the fans concerned.
Hoping to ride out the storm, Dropincentre’s bodyguards immediately moved her to a secure location, for her own safety. Her security staff all feared that the gathering of outraged fans could, as some fans had threatened, burn down the holiday resort with Dropincentre still inside it.
However, fearing another night of disorder after the two nights of riots sparked by the incident, the US president went on prime time TV. He personally begged Dropincentre to appear before her ‘deeply traumatised fans’ and explain how something this outrageous could happen to one of the world’s greatest stars.
Consequently, three days later, a very contrite and haggard–looking Dropincentre herself appeared in the world’s media. She apologised profusely for letting her fans down, tarnishing the image and reputation of Hollywood and the film industry and ‘most of all, letting myself down.’
Later, after the public apology, her PA, manager and agent called a joint press conference where they again apologised for Pumpkin’s unthinking act for ‘desecrating the whole celebrity system’. They promised that she would be seeking counselling for her unfortunate addiction to personal grooming. They also promised she would donate a substantial percentage of her income from her next seven films to various fashionable deserving charities.
As Dropincentre’s manager said, ‘we all hope this draws a line under this tragedy, and we hope never to see anything as catastrophic again. We have all learnt lesson from this and hope the general public feel they can – in time – forgive all of us for this terrible act.’
However, only time will tell if the fickle public will once again take Pumpkin Dropincentre back into their hearts after this most heinous betrayal of their trust and devotion.