The Victorian Age of Exploration

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Of course, Hesitation Gallump was one of the leading explorers of the late Victorian age. Although, by then a lot of the places lying off most of the major omnibus routes had been explored, with many explorers staying out long into the afternoon or early evening. Gallump, though, still felt there was a fair bit of exploring still to do, especially in the unexplored regions around the back of some of the UK’s less accessible garden sheds.

As we all know, the area around the back of even the most modest garden shed is often a place filled with all manner of wonders, many from ancient civilisations of which we know little about. Of course, not only were the unexplored areas around the back of the garden sheds at the time little navigated or understood, there were other unexplored territories too.

In earlier times, the invention of an accurate chronometer had helped make some of the more out of the way places explorable. So, by the time of Gallump, the gentleman’s pocket watch had become an essential item for Victorian explorers. The pocket watch enabled the explorers to pinpoint accurately where they were, and – crucially – how far away from the shops they were. It allowed them to get a lot more exploring done. Furthermore, the pocket watch still enabled them to have the time to pick up the things on the lists their wives had given to them on their way out of the house to go exploring.

To a Victorian gentleman, the shops were also relatively unexplored territory too. Of course, the first few shop explorers reported back to the geographical and exploring societies of the time with their astounding discoveries. In particular the astonishing news that these shops were filled with what later became known as ‘shop-girls’. These discoveries meant that the number of Victorian gentlemen keen to explore these places of mystery increased exponentially.

Soon it became impossible for any Victorian gentleman to explore any of the shops, especially the new department stores, without an appointment. This was mainly due to the numbers of explorers eager to meet and discover a new tribe of these shop girls. The explorers hoped they could – perhaps – make an assignation with one of these shop girls for some in-depth research at a later date.

Hesitation Gallump, though, decided that the High streets of Britain were already too well-explored. Furthermore, already returning explorers were now producing detailed maps of the explored areas behind most of the garden sheds in Britain. So, now Gallump felt it was time to explore even further afield and – maybe – even stay out after dark if necessary.

However, as he was preparing to explore the mysterious uncharted region that lay beyond his own garden gate, Gallump decided it would be prudent to organise some logistical supplies. So after a brief dalliance with a housemaid, he went in search of something he could take with him on his journey. Perhaps even, as he mused in his journal of the trip, ‘one of those new-fangled sandwiches’. A concept he’d heard so much about at the last meeting of the Royal Geographical Society.

It was while he was out looking for one of these mysterious sandwiches, that Gallump made what was to be his greatest ever discovery. Following on the trail of a rather skittish housemaid, one day, he managed to discover several regions of his own house he’d never visited before.

Deep in the uncharted heart of his own house, Gallump discovered the kitchen and the previously unknown tribe of servants that lived there. He was astonished to find that some of them even knew how to make the mythical sandwich, which up until then had only been an object of rumour and speculation to him. Without delay, Gallump decided to give up on further explorations and to devote the rest of his life to understanding the mysteries of his own kitchen.

It was there he died, two years later, during a failed attempt to locate a fabled pantry lost several generations before. Gallump was a great man who made a magnificent contribution to the field of exploration and for that, he should always be remembered.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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