A Great Historical Militant

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Hesitation Mediahub is probably the UK’s leading figure of historical militancy. Yet few School-age worker drones have heard of her and the vital role she played in bringing democracy, especially for women, to this country.

Of course, back in the 18th century, under the famous Rich Bastard ruling, a very few men, and only those wealthy enough, were allowed to vote. Only the very rich land-owning aristocracy could vote for both local politicians and the nation’s MPs. This they thought was an excellent idea as only they were allowed to stand for election. Thus, in reality, many of them could only vote for themselves, especially in low population areas.

However, Mediahub then published her learned and erstwhile bestselling tract – Rich Bastards, Sod the Lot of Them. This earned her respect of the militants keen to see a change in the antiquated laws and – often the lawmakers – that ruled this country.

Of course, many of those militants, despite espousing common cause with the ordinary people had little or no idea what those ordinary people were like. Although, to be fair there were  a group of them, known as the Daftbuggers, who had managed to live without servants for almost two weeks, with very little loss of life amongst their membership.

Mediahub herself, although ostensibly middle-class, as a daughter of a rural clergyman, was no stranger to poverty. She had seen it many times from her carriage window as she was driven from tutor to tutor or to the dressmaker or milliner. She said she found it shocking that several of the poor she had seen from her carriage were so impoverished. Some of them, she claimed, could barely afford the widescreen TVs and satellite TV subscriptions that parliament at the time had decreed was essential for even the most basic standard of living. Some of them, she was aghast to see, hardly had enough money to keep their children in that season’s Premier League football shirts. Mediahub, to her horror, saw some of the poor wearing replica shirts that were two or three seasons out of date and were – possibly – hand-me-downs from older siblings.

She vowed that England should never again see such poverty and – maybe in a few centuries time – neither would Scotland either.

However, with the foresight unusual in militants, progressives and revolutionaries, Mediahub saw that the solution lay with those very Rich Bustards. The very rich bastards her fellow activists and their fellow travellers so despised. She saw the necessity of getting the Rich Bastards to invest in the industrial revolution. This, she saw, would mean that, eventually, those poor people would be able to afford the satellite subscriptions and the current season’s replica football shirts. Then as their income rose and technology changed, competition would force the rich bastards to innovate and improve, lest they suddenly become poor bastards.

Of course, to the shock and disgust of many of her fellow radicals, Mediahub was proved right. The country did indeed get richer and technology did improve life, especially the lives of the poor. This continued right up to the present day when now the poor no longer die of starvation in their thousands because of crop failures and agricultural mishaps. Instead, now the poor die from obesity from eating too much while sitting gawping at their massive flat screen TVs, while wearing their favourite team’s most up-to-date football shirt.

It is thanks to such perspicacious militants such as Mediahub herself that we live in such a time, these days. For without her and her kind the Rich Bastards would still rule over us, allowing us little say in the course of our lives. For that, we should be ever thankful to her.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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