Breakthrough Imminent in Robotics


These may not be the droids you are looking for, but there have of late been some startling advances in the field of robotics. Robot vacuum cleaners, for example, have now around for a long time, taking a lot of the drudgery out of yet another household task. New advances in other areas of the domestic arena have removed several mundane chores from daily life, especially for women.

Even in modern, less-traditional, households women usually undertake a great deal of the domestic tasks. This traditional divide remains even with today’s more equitable lifestyles. However, even though, in theory, many women claim they do like men to help around the house, some recent research contradicts this.

This research, into what actually goes on when men do try to attempt domestic tasks, has uncovered many intriguing findings. Most women, it seems, claim they want men to do more around the house. Although, such women often find that when men do undertake domestic tasks those same women soon wish they hadn’t.

Quite simply, scientific research continuingly and increasingly finds that men are of bugger all use around the home. In fact, nowadays most women just wish the men would bugger off out of it altogether and leave them to it. Rather than have the men piss about in a vague and distracted manner, half-arsedly moving things around in the mistaken belief that they are ‘helping’.

Consequently, one of the latest breakthroughs in theoretical robotics is the advance that so many women are waiting for. Technologists at one of the leading sex aid laboratories in Europe have been working on a device that combines the very latest in self-pleasuring technology and the current designs of robotic vacuum cleaners.

So, the scientists at the Institute have predicted that – sometime in the next five years – they should have come up with a new robot. This new robot will do the vacuuming, dusting, cleaning and every other domestic task, up to and including emptying the cat litter tray and cleaning gunged-up hair out of the shower plughole. However, not only will it do all that, this new robot will also give the woman of the house a damn good seeing to afterwards. Often without any of the need for the woman to dress up as a French maid, grease up the snorkel or reassure the robot that it is more than big enough, or that it could happen to anyone.

However, several men at the Institute where this ground-breaking research is underway have expressed some concerns. They believe that if the scientists do manage to make the final breakthrough, then these devices could make men themselves completely redundant.

The female head scientist, in charge of the research, did say that, once they make the final breakthrough, it is possible that within a decade or two men will become a protected species. She foresees that a future society will keep men in zoos or on specialist breeding farms. ‘Actually,’ she said in a recent interview. ‘Once we make the final breakthrough there will be no need for men at all, they will become an evolutionary dead end.’

So, all men can hope for if they want to save themselves from becoming extinct is if these scientists admit defeat. However, that will only happen if the scientists conclude they will never be able to develop a robot capable of taking the lid off a new jar of jam.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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