Meringuenest’s Cake Orgies

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Fondant Meringuenest is now one of the most famous TV personalities in the UK. Her Meringuenest’s Cake Orgies is one of the most well-known and – sometimes – watched programmes on British TV. Of course, it is a well-known fact that the only thing the average British person likes better than a nice cake is sex. Preferably, something of an unusual nature that would if undertaken by a celebrity, sports star or politician would make tabloid headlines for several weeks.

So Meringuenest’s stroke of genius in combining the two – sex and cake – meant that she had a sure-fire ratings hit on her hands. As well as several marketing deals with cake suppliers as well as local orgy arrangers and wranglers.

Meringuenest’s Cake Orgies easily outperforms all competition, such as the many TV cooking shows and ITV’s Nasturtium Knobgobbler’s Sexy Lay-By Time, in the TV ratings. What many critics believe made Meringuenest’s TV programme rise above the competition is that Meringuenest eschewed all that tedious business of actually making the cakes herself. Instead, Meringuenest buys her cakes from the nearest cake shop, or even supermarket, and then gets down to the serious business of organising the orgy.

Of course, since the sport of Inter-Village orgy matches took off several years ago; many rural villages in the UK now have their own competitive orgy teams. Most people, as a result, are now more than familiar with the tactics necessary for a good competitive village orgy, as well as a (very) friendly match against local opposition.

Some of the more famous teams in the upper Inter-village orgy leagues, of course, are more than familiar with the use of cakes, especially the tactical use of cream cakes in an orgy. However, this doesn’t mean they have nothing to learn from Meringuenest’s expertise and coaching strategies.

For example, the head orgy wranglers at some of the UK’s teams, especially those that take part in the European or world orgy cups have retained Meringuenest as a consultant. One Head Orgy Wrangler, for the Much Piddling Micturators, has admitted that if it wasn’t for Meringuenest’s invaluable advice they would not have made it through the group stages of last year’s European Cup. He was especially grateful for her  help on where to place the Dundee cake during the penalty shoot-out

But it is not the segment of her show dealing with the topflight competitive orgy teams that most people tune in for week after week. After all, Meringuenest’s advice to the newcomer to the rural, or even suburban, local orgy is the most sought-after. After all, how many of us know – for example, whether it is better to take a Victorian sponge or a simple, straightforward chocolate cake to the first orgy of the season. Or whether themed cupcake designs are all the rage (still) at some of the more traditional orgies that take place in village halls and local libraries every weekend?

Not only that, Meringuenest is also, as her work with the top-flight competitive orgy teams shows, an expert on orgy tactics. Especially those tactics for making the most of one’s orgying experience, whether one is a neophyte or an expert she will always come up with something in one of her shows. Such as the placement of a slice of Battenberg on a supply geography teacher’s inner thigh, that makes all the difference to any cake-based orgy.

It is for insight like that, and her innovative use of the fresh cream besmeared fireman, that has made Meringuenest such a household name for nearly every British orgy-goer.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

2 thoughts on “Meringuenest’s Cake Orgies

  1. Hee! As someone who lives in a very small village I can really relate to this story. I never get invited to the local orgies, but then again I’ve only lived here for 6 years, and I don’t think one becomes accepted as a local until at least 15 years have passed… even then they can be a little wary.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure that in a decade or three the local orgy committee will contemplate adding your name to the bottom of the waiting list, providing of course you do nothing to disgrace yourself or give the village a bad name in the meantime.

      Like

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