Celebrities in Space

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Recently, a poll voted Podule Slingback as the celebrity most people would like to see launched into space on a one-way trip. However, such is the massive ego of such celebrity; he immediately claimed that he would be willing to give it a go.

‘I’m sure my many fans would dearly love for me to do something like this on behalf of all mankind. Especially those poor, underprivileged kids who themselves dream of one day going into space,’ he said.

However, his fan was unavailable for comment.

Some Twittergobs and others on social media did try, when the subject was trending on the various platforms to explain to Slingback, what a one-way try meant. But they were hastily drowned out by thousands of others, all encouraging Slingback to sign up for the trip.

Not only that, several fundraising initiatives were soon underway to raise the money to build the rocket and capsule needed to launch Slingback into space. Also, on several internet forums, groups got together to work out the best route for the ship to take. A route that would ensure Slingback reached the outer edges of the solar system as quickly as possible.

Seeing the amount of popular support there was for the mission NASA, the European Space Agency and other space agencies around the world all pledged their support and made offers to help with the engineering.

Several world politicians too, no doubt fearing they could be next if popular attention turned their way, also came out in support of the project. A contender for the post of British political opposition leader – claimed his party would come up with a national register of celebrities the populace wanted to launch into space. He claimed a government under his leadership would also instigate a ten-year programme to make one such launch ever year to send the winning star to the stars.

The party’s popularity shot up to record levels, with almost 3% of the electorate now saying they support them. Immediately, the newly-elected current government party promised that not only would they send celebrities on one-way trips into space, but they would also launch the losing politicians at each election on one way trips too. Consequently, their popularity doubled to nearly 4% of the electorate on the news.

However, 93% of the electorate still support the policy of sending all politicians and those diagnosed with politics on one-way trips into the sun.

However, Slingback has now become dimly aware of his fate. He has now offered to sign a guarantee that he will no longer appear on the world’s TV screens, or make any other attempt to gain media attention. He has even promised to move to Hull, planet earth’s nearest equivalent to voyaging into deep space. Unfortunately, every team of lawyers he has used have all found that the contract he signed, in a blaze of publicity at the beginning of this year, has several unbreakable clauses. There does not seem any way that any of his counter-arguments will be enough to nullify the contract. This includes his claim that a forced one-way trip into deep space would violate his right to a family life under European law. This has come as a major shock, not only to Slingback, but also to everyone else who has experience of European law.

Consequently, it does look as though Slingback will be saying his final farewell to earth in the next few months as soon as a launch slot becomes available. Many of the earth’s population still earnestly believe that that moment cannot come too soon.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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