Hostelry Spendapenny is probably the UK’s leading celebrity partygoer. As we all know, British tabloids would be much thinner and celebrity gawping websites would have far fewer photo-filled pages if celebrities did not have to keep going out to parties every single night of the week.
However, as is little known outside media circles, most of those parties don’t actually happen. All that is really needed is for the celebrities to be photographed arriving at some hastily hurled-down red carpet. Then, a few stock photos are manipulated to put various celebrities together apparently drinking and having a good time in each other’s company. Meanwhile, the celebrities themselves have snuck out of a quiet back door of the latest happening nightspot and gone home for a quiet night in front of the telly in dressing gown and slippers.
As we all know, there is nothing more tedious than a party. Especially one where you have to pretend to be enjoying yourself, despite, the crowds, the over-loud music, the poor food and lousy drinks. This is one reason why so many celebrities appear in a lot of dire films, awful TV shows and dubious adverts. It is as a way of getting enough money together so that they can buy themselves out of the tedious round of showbiz parties that would otherwise be their lot.
When the managers, agents and producers of the celebrity circuit select a previously unknown person to become a celebrity, then that person must sign a contract with a management team. One of the stipulations in that contract they sign to become rich and famous is that they must attend a certain amount of media –friendly parties per year. If they do not sign, they are ejected from the industry and back into the ranks of the unknown and ordinary. Then everyone, including even their most devout and deranged Farcebook stalkers, soon forgets about them.
Of course, many putative and apprentice celebrities think that the life of a fully-certified celebrity is a glamorous one. A never-ending round of showbiz parties, famous lovers, expensive drugs and wild times on the yachts of the rich and famous. The media and other similar outlets rely on a steady stream of photos of famous and not so famous celebrities to fill the gaps between the adverts and what little prose they can get away with per page.
However, there is a glut of celebrities on the market. This means that the media has absolute control over celebrities and, thus, how they appear in the media outlets. So if a star wants to advertise a new film, a new TV show, a new album, love affair, favourite charity or fashionable drink or drug ‘problem’ they have little choice. The celebrity then must do the media’s bidding, or be forever lost in the obscurity that is the celebrity’s greatest fear.
Hence the parties and hence the pictures of celebrities going to parties that fill every tabloid. Especially, as at the moment, those like Spendapenny and her infamous party going. However, Spendapenny herself has now reached the stage in her celebrity career arc where she will soon no longer have to attend any of these parties. Even if merely to turn up to be photographed entering them. Then, as we now know, she can immediately leave through the back door to go home for a quiet night in with her many cats to watch TV, each too much chocolate and carry on with her knitting.