More Savage Government Cuts

monthly-themes

Amongst those that notice politics, Overbite Pinkingshears is probably most famous politician in the UK. As the government minister in charge of appearing on TV to be antagonised by the media’s leading political interviewers, such as Wildebeest Prolestrangler, he is a familiar face in the media.

In recent years, the government has claimed that it is making some almost noticeable cuts to public expenditure. These cuts are mainly in areas where the opposing parties have their most supporters. Often in areas such as local government, quangos, fake charities and other drains on taxpayers’ money. Although the government claims its cuts are making a real difference, it does seem to be – to many observers – that little if anything has changed. It still seems that public expenditure is just as out of control as it ever was.

However, in an interview last night on the BBC’s flagship current affairs programme, Newssnore, Pinkingshears claimed that last year alone the British government has saved almost 53p in their multibillion-pound budget. The government achieved this impressive saving through each member of the cabinet deciding to leave the last biscuit on the plate at cabinet meetings.

As Pinkingshears said in the interview ‘if you know the membership of the current government cabinet, you will realise what a massive sacrifice this is. Especially so on the part of some cabinet members who do not like to go more than 20 minutes without at least some food to tide them over until lunchtime.’

However, the presenter of the programme then introduced a video clip shot undercover by a BBC intern. She posed as a job interviewee shown around various local government offices. She was shocked and outraged to see that because of the savage cuts none of the local council offices that offered her a job had massage facilities for workers, video game rooms or free horse riding lessons for members of staff. As an outraged and incredulous Wildebeest Prolestrangler said ‘how is this savage barbarity and worker cruelty even possible in this day and age?’

In response, Pinkingshears said that some cuts were necessary. Especially if the country is going to meet its commitments to expanding the vital role that ever-increasing MP expenses play in the modern economy. Furthermore, Pinkingshears argued, if the essential foreign aid budget is to be used more efficiently, it can only be by sending even more MPs on overseas fact-finding missions. Especially to discover the true state of affairs in the overseas sex trade in the more exotic and exclusive holiday resort countries. Not only that, he claimed it will be necessary for the UK to increase its budget for sending cabinet ministers to even more exotic and exclusive locations for the many multinational intergovernmental conferences. These conferences, Pinkingshears claimed, are so vital for getting pictures of world leaders, and the British Prime Minister, into the media headlines.

However, Pinkingshears did have some good news for hard-pressed taxpayers struggling to make ends meet. Soon, he announced, it would be necessary for the UK peasantry to spend only eight days a week at work in order to fund the government’s planned expenditure for the next ten years. This includes developing a new special high-speed train line that will travel the length of the British Isles. This train line is for the exclusive use of MP as they travel down to London to file their expense claims at the Houses of Parliament. The MPs then head off to their subsidised London residences to spend the week with their high salaried research assistants, in readiness for some vital in-depth research into Ugandan discussions.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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