Structuraldefect Pastrycase is, as almost everyone in the country knows, one of the UK’s leading defensive pastry makers currently appearing in the professional leagues. Of course, as one of the founder members of The International Pie Competitions Association, most sports fans expect the UK to have a strong pie team. Unfortunately, since the introduction of the European Quiche League, the UK team has begun a slow slide down the rankings.
Not only that, there is grave concern in the sport that the British Pork squad will not do well in the next Olympic Sausage qualifying rounds. Many fans feel that the British banger has been placed in a tricky qualifying group that features not only the traditionally powerful German sausage team, but also both the Spanish and Portuguese chorizo squads. The Iberian teams reached a tense European final against each other in last year’s competition. With the Spanish side winning only after extra time, penalties and another day’s play. A result many feel that was mainly due to the Spanish chorizo showing its superior cornering ability in the hammerhead leading into the final straight.
However, there was much UK disappointment following the British sausage team’s failure to make even the last eight. A somewhat unfortunate showing especial considering the team’s a strong tactical Cumberland sausage when it is fielding. Many food sports fans consequently turned their hopes to the British pie side and Structuraldefect Pastrycase in particular.
As every school pastry team player knows, the secret to a good pie team lies in the defence. If the defensive pastry is too moist or – even worse – too short, then the defence is prone to collapse. This is often the case when the opposing team has good wingers, with an ability to pass the pie deep into the defending team’s penalty area. A situation that is particularly true during the first over when the back straight still has some grip and before the umpire’s call close of play for either bad light or a tea break.
It is Structuraldefect Pastrycase’s tactical abilities in the defensive quarter of the British team’s last half of the outfield that enables him to control the flow of the game. He also controls the vital consistency of the pastry. In particular in the savoury pie endurance trial during the always stressful hill climb stage. This stage often tests the ability of the British steak and kidney pie to retain its structural integrity at altitudes that can cause the continental quiche style pie to disintegrate, especially in the chicane.
However, many fans of food sport in the UK say it lacks the necessary funds to develop itself since the terrestrial, satellite and cable TV channel have withdrawn their support.
All the sports channels now prefer to concentrate their sports coverage on the traditional TV sports of football, rugby, cricket, snooker, darts and naked baby-oiled mixed doubles Twister. All of which have many times the viewing audiences of the food sports. Even despite the drama and emotion inherent in the danger of, say, a high-speed apple turnover. Or even a disaster in the meringue peaks of a traditional lemon meringue pile up that makes such riveting viewing, especially during the sweet pie speed trials.
However, the many fans of the sport believe that in Structuraldefect Pastrycase the sport has a new hero. Some even say that the traditional sporting success of the British pie is bound for a new lease of life, which many fans would agree is not before time.