Latest Celebrity Disease Outbreak

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Sagebush Tinkywinky is probably now the world’s leading celebrity, famous for… well, anyway. However, celebrity watchers were shocked and horrified to discover that Tinkywinky was the latest celebrity to fall victim to the hideous disease running rife through the world of the rich and famous. Women from all walks of the celebrity world, from rock singers through fashion designers to… well, whatever it is that Tinkywinky does, have all recently fallen victim to this mystery disease.

At first only a few stars, usually on European beaches fell victim to this unusual disease. But lately and in more and more places, it seems that any number of female celebrities are – often through no fault of their own – suffering from the dreaded pixilated nipple disease.

At first, most doctors were confident that this latest outbreak of pixilated nipples could be – as with past epidemics – confined to the pages of certain tabloid newspapers. However, since the explosion in the number of websites, especially those that are heavily reliant on pictures of the doings of celebrities, there has been a concomitant increase in the number of pixilated celebrity nipples.

At first, most people put this down to the actions of the newspapers and websites, all being keen to prevent their readers suffering the trauma of seeing bare nipples. Although, most people in Europe are more or less genetically immune to the sight of naked nipples. Unfortunately, though, there are some less enlightened places around the world, such as the USA and other fundamentalist religious countries. In such countries, the sight of a bare nipple is enough to cause severe trauma in those forced to witness such an unnatural sight.

However, the tabloids and websites have pointed out that it was not them causing these nipples to become pixilated. Many of the photographers involved have denied that it is they or their cameras that have caused the unsightly pixelation of what would otherwise be – on any non-celebrity especially – a perfectly ordinary nipple.

Some observers have claimed that the celebrities themselves who get their own nipples pixilated. Mainly in order – it is claimed – that when their ‘private’ sex tape gets accidently released or ‘stolen’. Because up to the then the fact that, up until then, the nipples have been pixilated will thus cause an increase in demand to see the sex tape. Obviously, an offshore subsidiary of the celebrity’s own business empire own and distribute this ‘rogue’ sex.

However, such is the sheer terror of being exposed to an uncovered nipple in some areas of the world that celebrities are taking drastic action. Many believe that some celebrities are now having their nipples (and, in some cases, other erogenous or semi-erogenous zones) pre-pixilated. Mainly as a precaution just in the event of an accident, or wardrobe malfunction. For, such is the fear of the nipple, that many women have lost lucrative careers because of one errant nipple slip in the wrong place at the wrong time.

However, Tinkywinky herself has come forward to state that she is setting up a charity to help affected women. Some of whom may even be unfortunate enough to be non-celebrities, who become afflicted with what she called ‘this terrible disease.’

Tinkywinky said in a recent press interview that she has already spoken with several doctors and researchers who assure her that there could be a freely available cure for this awful and disfiguring disease in the very near future. Mainly thanks to the money raised by Tinkywinky’s charity and the resultant awareness campaign.

‘So,’ Tinkywinky said with tear-filled eyes, ‘if you or someone you know or love suffers from this dreadful pixelated nipple disease, do not despair, for a cure is on the way.’

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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