A Dire Threat to the Entire Political system


Ungulate Tramdepot first rose to almost total obscurity in the UK as a backbench member of parliament. Due to his complete inability to do anything useful or worthwhile, he soon achieved promotion to the cabinet. However, no long after this Tramdepot was expelled from the government, as well as both parliament and his own party when he was convicted of bringing the Houses of Parliament into serious disrepute.

Tramdepot was tried and found guilty of the most heinous crime in politics when a tabloid undercover sting operation discovered he had once printed the truth in a local election leaflet. As most people know, there is nothing more damning in the eyes of parliament and amongst politicians as this severe breach of parliamentary etiquette. As one fellow MP said at the time of Tramdepot’s arrest, ‘if we all started to tell the truth, where would it end?’

‘Telling the truth,’ the Prime Minister at the time said, ‘is a very dangerous thing to do.’ When he defended his swift action of leaving Tramdepot in post in the cabinet as Minister for Counting the Spoons at Cabinet Meetings for a mere 18 months. All while the government continually dismissed, ignored, ridiculed, threatened legal action and then finally accepted the newspaper’s claims. The Prime Minister then had little choice but to accept Tramdepot’s resignation from the government, at least until as the PM himself said ‘all this blows over.’

Usually, of course, ordinary people traditionally ignore politicians until the go away again. However, the voters of Tramdepot’s constituency demanded that his local party take action over someone who so heinously broke with political tradition and told the truth.

The BBC News sent a team of 12 reporters, 17 political correspondents, 34 political editors and 23 Newsreaders to the otherwise peaceful constituency to cover the event, and claim overnight and travel expenses. As one local voter told the BBC News team ‘What will happen in the future if politicians start telling the truth all the time?’

Political scientists and academics were quick to join in the condemnation of Tramdepot’s actions. Many claimed that a politician who told the truth could cause a collapse of faith in democracy. ‘If we start believing what these people say,’ one political journalist moaned. ‘Then people like me who make a good living out of pointing out what a bunch of lying mendacious bastards they are, will soon be out of work.’

Soon it seemed this one small act would like the expense scandal before it, would take the political world by storm. Not long after Tramdepot’s act of truth-telling was discovered, politicians in the EU demanded that the British government take action. The EU insisted the UK government made sure it never happened again. There was a fear among the political class around the EU that this act of truth-telling could bring down not only the UK’s political system but the whole EU. Other countries, such as the USA also expressed their concerns that any nation’s politicians that told the truth to their electorates could totally undermine the Western political system entirely.

Consequently, until the UK political scene was back to normal, the world’s politicians demanded the UK be kept in quarantine from the rest of the world’s politicians. There was a very real fear that the truth-telling contagion could spread beyond the UK. French farmers immediately blockaded channel ports in fear that the political honesty could spread to the Continent and threaten their way of life and their massive subsidies.

In the end, Tramdepot was forced to leave politics in disgrace. He ended up doing the only job he could get and began working for the BBC in a leading executive capacity. For the BBC is the only national institution in the UK with enough expertise and ability to deal with this problem. Usually by completely ignoring the truth whenever they stumble across it.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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