The Personal Computer Revolution – How it Began

Bitstream Logicgate first invented the computer system that made him world-famous during his teenage years. At the time, downloading anything from the internet beyond plain text could take anything up to half a day. Therefore, the pictures of underdressed young ladies that are vital for a teenage boy’s intellectual development could take several hours to download completely. This was something no teenage boy could tolerate for that amount of time. In particular, as the picture download, if monitored in real time, often seemed to freeze just as it was about to get to the interesting bits.

It was while waiting for a rather large, but still low-resolution image of a Miss October 1983 to download, that Logicgate first developed an interest in computer programming. Back then, to become a successful computer pioneer needed very little in the way of equipment. All that was needed was a teenage boy, a bedroom and parents that didn’t interrupt, especially while he was cogitating over his picture collection. After all, in those dial-up days there was plenty of time for a great deal of solo cogitating. Some teenagers of the time became great experts at it.

Historians of the early personal computing boom all agree that if it weren’t for the time spent waiting for those pictures of underdressed young ladies to download, the personal computer revolution would not have happened so fast as it did. Although, some argue that if they had downloaded something other than pictures of underdressed ladies, then the revolution could have happened even quicker, as the young teenagers would have had a bit more energy and drive that was often spent on in-depth perusal of those same images.

So, Logicgate’s Naughtybits Encoding Algorithm arose directly out of his studies of computer encoding during those long, interminable waits to discover whether what was slowly revealing itself was merely a shadow or an actual nipple.

The Algorithm was soon changed to Logicgate’s Algorithm for Naughtybits Encoding – shortened to LANE. Of course, this was in the days before three-letter acronyms became standard in computing, which many argue shows just what an early pioneer Logicgate was. Although, he himself says his one regret was not coming up with a better acronym for his LANE algorithm. It is something that these days is so vital for the success of any computer project that more time is spent on thinking up a cool name for a product or service than is spent encoding or developing it. Back in those days, it was very different, though.

Soon every picture of a lady in a state of total or near undress was sent at – then – lightning speed across the early internet. Thanks to Logicgate and his algorithm, it now meant that naughty pictures could be downloaded in mere hours, not the half a day of the past.

However, it was not all good news. Schools across North America, and later Europe, all recorded a steep decline in the homework completed by teenage boys. This was especially noticeable once the LANE algorithm became common. Now, with less time to fill while waiting for the picture to download, the teenage boys naturally had less free time. Consequently, their homework suffered, as they had no time to do it while downloading and – often – no energy to do it afterwards.

However, it was Logicgate’s next invention that was totally to revolutionise personal computing and movie it from being the sole preserve of teenage boys. This happened when he developed a new algorithm that enabled a picture of a cute cat doing cute things to download in a fraction of the time it used to.

Thus – eventually – Logicgate brought about the current social media revolution.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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