A World Celebrity Shortage Disaster Averted

Trampoline Spangleknee first came to public attention in the UK when she set up the world’s first celebrity breeding programme. As we all know, there is a constant danger of the world running out of celebrities, mainly because the celebrity lifecycle is so short. For example, in the pop music industry it is entirely possible to be a celebrity for the lifetime of one single, and in the film world for one film. Everyone knows that the celebrities are a vital component of the human ecosystem. We know that without them a large part of the entertainment industry and its symbiotic parasites in the media would disappear. Not only would this cause severe, perhaps ultimately fatal, damage to civilisation, it could bring about the total extinction of celebrity product endorsement as we know it. Without which, the entire world economic system could collapse as people become unable to decide what products to buy without someone famous telling them what products to choose.

These dire consequences of a world celebrity shortage hitting our civilisation has prompted the world’s TV industry to set up many programmes and TV series devoted to discovering the stars of the future and other potential celebrities. Many not in the know have dismissed TV’s apparent obsession with tacky ‘talent’ shows and dire dirt-cheap reality programming as a way of filling schedules and airtime on the cheap. However, at a secret G7 meeting a few decade ago, the TV industry revealed to the world’s governments just how catastrophic it would be for the world to run out of celebrities. Therefore, the World’s governments forced the TV channels and companies to institute these searches for the celebrities and stars of the future.

Unfortunately, as we all now know, these programmes produced very few actual celebrities. Those they did discover did not last long, even for celebrities. Several of them became complete unknowns again before their first show winner’s press conference had finished.

This is where Spangleknee had her great idea. As a devotee and fan of celebrity culture, she noticed that stars do tend to get married a lot. However, most celebrity marriages do not last long; certainly not long enough for the union to produce offspring. But, on doing some research, Spangleknee discovered that if celebrities do breed with each other, quite often their offspring will go on to become celebrities themselves. Sometimes through inherited talent (no matter how limited), other times by just being the offspring of famous people.

Therefore, with support from many governments around the world and the UN, Spangleknee set up a celebrity reservation, near the celebrities’ natural habitat of Los Angles. There she set celebrities free to mate and – she hopes – breed together. As celebrities like having sex, at least according to the gossip magazines, Spangleknee thought that this would be enough to get the celebrities to breed. However, this – to many people’s surprise – turned out not to be the case.

However, one celebrity couple did manage to mate, breed and produce offspring. Spangleknee discovered that this couple were mating on the edge of the reservation. There, enterprising paparazzi had set up a hide to film them. This led Spangleknee to her great discovery that to breed her celebrities successfully they need publicity. Even if that publicity is only an ‘accidently released’ or ‘stolen’ sex tape. Once they have that publicity, it is easy to get the celebrities to breed.

So, thanks to Spangleknee and her Celebrity Breeding Reservation, it looks as though in the decades to come humanity will have all the necessary celebrities it needs to continue our civilisation far into the future.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

4 thoughts on “A World Celebrity Shortage Disaster Averted

  1. How timely! You must read my novel.

    It is exactly about this: how do celebrities meet and mate – and produce offspring. If you look at it a bit slantwise in the right light. (There’s lots of other stuff in there, like true love and sacrifice and principles and other boring stuff.)

    Of course I don’t have your rapier wit – on the other hand, I do have the celebrities down to a T.



      1. Well, yes. That’s kind of you. If you have it in Kindle or mobi format. Although, there are quite a few on my Kindle waiting to be read.

        Of course, if there are any of mine that interest you, you are also welcome to copies of them, including the brand new one In The Beginning, which will be out some time in the next few weeks.


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