Legin Hokeycokey is a leading palaeontologist who has come up with a revolutionary new theory about what happened to the dinosaurs after the comet impact that nearly wiped out all of them.
Palaeontologist have agreed for some time now that modern birds are the direct descendants of the dinosaurs, but controversially Hokeycokey claims that the evolution of dinosaurs did not stop there at only birds.
‘For a long time now,’ Hokeycokey said in a recent interview, ‘it has been accepted that politicians are not human. Many, for example, claim politicians must be of obvious extra-terrestrial origin. But despite the attractions and explanatory capability of that theory, I think it is mistaken.’
Hokeycokey claims that politicians and birds split off from the dinosaurs at quite an early stage in development. Then, much later, the birds and the politicians divided into two distinct species.
‘After all, we all know that politicians are all a complete bunch of bustards, don’t we?’ he said. ‘And look how many politicians are one kind of tit or another.’
Hokeycokey has also claimed that the dodo was an early form of politician, being both flightless and not very bright. ‘Ideal lobby fodder,’ as Hokeycokey explained. ‘A dodo would make an excellent MP, always willing to follow the party line, even if it leads to its own destruction.’
Not only that, Hokeycokey cites the politician’s almost overwhelming instinct to feather its own nest, and to throw anyone overboard from that nest which may threaten it. Hokeycokey also claims that the politicians originally had the power of flight, like birds, so they could be miles away when – inevitably – the shit hit the fan. He further cites the need of politicians to go on fact-finding missions, as well as leading politicians to hold international summits for no real point or purpose, as an evolutionary throwback to the migratory flights of birds.
‘Birds will often disappear for the summer, and if you look at most legislative houses around the world, you’ll find them almost entirely empty of politicians for the summer months,’ Hokeycokey explained.
As mentioned before, most people do seem to agree that politicians – although sometimes human-like – are a distinct breed. Quite a few people were convinced that they are some kind of alien species, perhaps bought here on a comet from a more egregiously self-serving part of the universe where the normal rules of moral behaviour do not apply. But Hokeycokey’s ideas seem to have a great deal of explanatory power. His theories do uncover and explain the strange behaviours, actions and lifestyles of politicians that have otherwise mystified human beings for centuries.
‘Look at political and economic theories,’ Hokeycokey said recently. ‘There are some, both on what is known as the ‘Left’ and the ‘Right’, who believe economic and social theories that were debunked centuries ago. If that doesn’t prove they are descendants of dinosaurs, then nothing does.’
However, some have argued that both dinosaurs and birds – in their time – have occupied their ecological niches very successfully, both being around for millions of years. These doubters argue that if evolution does lead to the survival of the fittest, then why are politicians not extinct.
When asked about this, Hokeycokey shrugged and said, ‘I’m buggered if I know. It is one of the greatest mysteries of nature.’