Social Media as an Olympic Sport

Plunge Stoatdangler became the UK’s leading social media complainer at a very young age when she noticed that there was something slightly amusing about a mislabelled Cup-a-Soup packet on the shelf at her local supermarket. Of course, as is essential these days, she immediately photographed it on her smartphone, wittily captioned it ‘OMG. I literally cannot believe this!!! #funny, #brilliant, #supermarketfail’ and uploaded it to every social media site she was connected to, as well as Google+. The picture became an overnight sensation, of course, and still regularly features on news bulletins around the world to illustrate news items about social media and the internet.

As we all know, both TV news and news media sites on the web have become increasingly disenchanted with what used to be regarded as news in the days before consumer interaction to news items became commonplace, from article comments to instant Facebook and Twitter responses. They discovered that people did not like or want that kind of stuff, much to the shock of old style journalists who believed in real news about global events, politics, economics and the forces that shape our world. That is unless, of course, it featured harrowing footage of wide-eyed babies in emotional distress, or other items where the viewers and readers could fill the social media sites of their choice with the most competitive form of virtue signalling they could devise.

Eventually, with sports audiences declining as well as nearly every sport’s governing body either in a state of crisis or scandal, or, more usually, both, lucrative TV sport was in crisis. The Olympics began casting around for new sports that would help them reconnect sports fans with the key sponsorship deals for which sport exists to serve.

It was seeing how Stoatdangler’s tweet went viral, that gave a breakaway new Olympic moment the idea to move away from those rather old-fashioned, and rather dull sports of running, jumping, throwing things and hitting things with bats. Eventually, it came up with the new Social Media Olympics.

With Competitive Virtue-Signalling hurdles, the Instant Outrage Sprint, the Freestyle Meal Photo Steeplechase and many other nascent social media based sports the New Olympics had an immediate hit on their hands.

Massive audiences flocked to watch people Tweet, Facebook post and Instagram their outrage over everything from the latest doings of the political incompetents in office around the world to the size of individual frozen peas on whatever the lunch venue of their choice was using instead of plates.

Of course, as one of the superstars of the Social Media, Stoatdangler herself has been at the forefront of the new Olympics. Some of her photographs of trivial spelling mistakes and other similar minor printing errors on consumer goods have set some of the most impressive Social Media records already.

Her four billion retweets of a spelling error on a jar of mayonnaise in Tesco has set a World Record that experts believe will stand until at least the next Social Media Olympics in 2018, in the new Social Media Olympic Stadium in Tokyo. This will be a new purpose-built stadium capable of seating 100000 spectators to watch international teams of social media athletes all Intstagraming their breakfast at top-flight competitive speeds.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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