Prehistoric Swingers

Epiglottis Grainsilo is probably the world’s leading expert on ancient and prehistoric sexual deviations. She first put forward the now widely-accepted theory that Stonehenge was originally built for prehistoric dogging couples eager for a bit of illicit action up against the bluestones.

In later centuries, of course, the Roman conquerors used to park their chariots in the spaces between the stones. Later, the Romans copied the concept to build some of their own colonnaded sites for people not married to each other to meet up for a bit of alfresco intimacy.

It is Grainsilo also who first proved with the aid of some archaeological evidence that wife-swapping, swinging and what is now called Adult Dating began back in the Ice-Ages. In those times, it was often very hard… or difficult, to tell just who was who, when everyone was huddled together under the mammoth skins trying to keep warm.

Grainsilo contends that during those long cold and dark years it soon became evident to even the most devoted couple that their mate was not quite as perfect as they’d first imagined. Spending months at a time huddled together under mammoth furs, drinking mammoth broth and trying to find another interesting way of carving mammoth bones soon became very tedious for naturally inquisitive humans. So one they had finished being inquisitive with their own mate, it was only natural to roll over and start being inquisitive with the tribe mate next to them. Especially so when they’d just spent several months carving a mammoth bone into an interesting phallus shape, which their mate didn’t seem to appreciate.

Somewhat more contentiously, Grainsilo has also tentatively suggested that it was in the Ice Ages – and for the same reasons as above – that same-sex coupling began in earnest among ancient peoples, sometimes to the surprise of those involved when the thaw finally came. However, as yet there is little archaeological evidence to support this.

Of course, once the early humans began to develop more complex societies, wife-swapping, and other similar practices also became more complicated. Often this was done on a village by village basis. Every village, hamlet and small town having its own rules and organising principles for who get to spend the night with whose wife on any particular holy day or significant time of the ancient calendar.

OF course, it has long been established, from even before Grainsilo’s theories that Holy days and other such particular calendar events existed so that the usual strict rules of those early societies could be relaxed. Thus allowing everyone to cop off with everyone else irrespective of who they were officially married to. It also offered a safety valve for pent-up feelings, loves, lust and desires in societies where arranged marriages were the norm.

Unfortunately, all this came to an end as the stricter religions entered these earlier cultures. Some introducing penalties for any deviation from strictly enforced sexual norms. However, these more rigid religions could not prevent what seems like mankind’s natural propensity for illicit naughtiness with others and even strangers. All those religions did was force the whole practice underground or behind the bikesheds. At least until the modern age, where those religions began to lose their grip on people and once again humanity started to give free rein to its illicit urges without fear of religious censure.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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