Of course, those people interested in such matters will already have some idea of the massive breakthrough in science last week. Physicists at the Large Hardon Collider Facility in Little Frigging in the Wold successfully proved of the existence of the – up until now theoretical – Rude and Naughty particles.
Of course, it was Einstein himself who first postulated the theoretical underpinnings of the rude and naughty with his General Theory of Rudeness, way back in the 1930s. However, later work on the naughtiness theory, especially the quantum nature of naughtiness did somewhat perturb Einstein, who refused to believe in his famous saying that ‘God does not play naked baby-oil twister.’
However, later work on the naughtiness equations at some of his more risqué parts by Richard Feynman did provide a theoretical underpinning for combing both the General Theory of Rudeness with the naughtiness particles, especially if bongos were involved.
Since then, of course, the internet had come along as the first practical application of the combining of rudeness and naughtiness available to the general public. This has increased the amount of porn and naughty pictures available to everyone through the quantum fluctuations of the naughtiness particles that power a major part of the internet.
That is, of course, those areas of the internet that are not powered by cats.
Although, the number of kittens in the observable universe does imply to many physicists that there could be a Feline Theory of Everything. They believed a theory could be formulated that will combine the rude and the naughty with cats, and the amount of petty bickering on social media. All of which could go some way towards explaining not only the internet, religion, wars and the hairstyles of politicians but many other formerly mystifying aspects of the universe, including dark matter and reality TV.
However, a recent discovery found that not only are there naughty particles at a sub-atomic level, but also powerful forces of rudeness that combine to create the general level of sexiness we see in the universe. It does go some way toward explaining why being both rude and naughty is so essential to the proper functioning of the universe.
As viewers of the original Star Trek realised so long ago, there is a significant amount of the rude and naughty out in the universe. Most of which seemed to involve Captain Kirk and various lady aliens all in need of an in-depth perusal of his captain’s log.
Of course, outside theoretical sexiness, the rude and naughty was more or less unknown to the general public. Most of the public were only vaguely aware of why Marylyn Munroe liked to hang around with Albert Einstein, or later, why many young women flocked to see Richard Feynman get his bongos out.
Still, as some of the more undressed scientists at last week’s press conference pointed out, there is still a great deal more work needed to be done on the rude and naughty before we can fully understand why the universe is as sexy as it is and why scientists are the sexiest people in it.