Cats and Quantum Entanglement

Pagoda Cheesewarrior is probably the world’s leading exponent of what is now known as Cat Theory. An area of physics that grew from initial researches conducted into Kitten Theory. For a long time, theoretical physicists have tried to make sense of string theory and quantum entanglement. However, it was not until Cheesewarrior noticed one of her cats playing with a ball of wool, that she discovered the latest breakthrough in string theory. As we all know, the universe is far more complicated than it looks. This is because of the amount of cats in the universe who are responsible for most of the phenomena in the universe. As we know, there is a significant amount of matter in the universe that almost nothing is known about, apart from the fact that it is there. Much like the number of cat toys under the sofa, sideboard, and fridge. There is also the way that the matter in the universe all clumps together, which will be familiar to anyone who has ever cleaned out a cat litter tray.

However, for Cheesewarrior the most significant aspect of Cat Theory is the effect known as quantum entanglement. For not only are the universe’s Fundamental Cats responsible for entangling the subatomic strings together to create the lumps of matter that become galaxies, solar system, stars, and planets, they also are responsible for much more.

Of these strange forces, that the Universe’s Fundamental Cats are responsible for, is a strange phenomenon of quantum physics known as action at a distance. We are all familiar with this at the level of the universe we exist in, when – for example – an unwashed meat roasting dish falls to the floor in the kitchen, yet upon investigation, the cat is nowhere near the vicinity of that meat dish. And yet, on investigation, there are cat paw prints all around the original resting place of that meat tin before it fell. Obviously, this is a somewhat uncanny example of action at a distance.

After all, though we know that cats do have a fundamental instinctive understanding of quantum uncertainty with their inherent desire to be on both sides of a closed door at the same time. They also seem to have a natural understanding of space-time where time is relative and the space between feeding times expands and contracts seemingly on a whim of the cat and not on any external temporal frame of reference. They also understand how gravity and other forces can affect not only time but space itself and are thus able to fit themselves into containers that seem to have a smaller volume than the cat itself. Then can also fill out a space that on exanimation appears to have enough room for both a cat and a human to sit or lie down in comfort.

All in all, Cheesewarrior believes there is enough evidence for Cat Theory to replace all the laws of physics that we have had until now. She believes that Cat Theory has far more explanatory powers to describe the universe we live in than all of Newton’s laws and Einstein’s theories put together. She believes as well that Cat Theory shows a deeper understanding of the subatomic quantum world. As she quipped at a recent physics conference, ‘it is cats all the way down.’


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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