Software Problems

But, as you have probably worked out by now, it wasn’t supposed to work out like this. Somewhere, buried within the code, there must be a bug. Some have suggested that we take it down, rewrite the code and reboot the whole system.

The Boss is not happy about that, though.

Although, someone did point out that it was – in the beginning, as it were – very much a rush job. Seven… sorry, six days for something like this from planning to execution, there were bound to be a few teething troubles.

But He got what he asked for, even though the dinosaurs were – in retrospect – an obvious mistake. Still, he says the pandas make up for it somewhat. He seems happy with the pandas for some reason.

However, the intelligent life.

Well….

Some did point out at the time that the technology back in those early days wasn’t up to it, even using the specially adapted ape with the larger memory capacity. Too many compromises made and shortcuts taken. The intelligence routines were cobbled together out of whatever half-completed side projects we had lying around the labs at the time. The speech routine was adapted from a project we were running because one day He strode into the lab in that seemingly casual way of His and said He’d had a dream – a vision, He called it – of singing dolphins.

Singing bloody dolphins.

Sometimes you have to wonder about Him. This immortality and omnipotence it can do things to a being, give them ideas.

Still, the singing dolphins came to nothing in the end, and He forgot about them. Instead, on a whim, He got interested in gardening. Some of us thought that this sudden interest in garden was maybe something to do with Him thinking of retiring, handing the business of to His son – yes, really. Him – the boy.

Another one of His less good ideas. That bloody hippie son of his hadn’t got the faintest idea. Although, to be fair he did make a nice fish finger sandwich. But that is hardly the skill set need to run an operation this size.

Which does raise another point, we have still yet to make a profit with this project. If something doesn’t come along soon, there is a distinct possibility that the backers will pull the funding.

The intelligent life though seems determined to bugger things up, no matter what we. Do. Like I said, there must be a serious bug in their programming somewhere. They seem to delight in doing things that are utterly stupid, pointless or self-destructive.

There was, a few eons ago, talk of turning the whole experiment in a reality TV show, but none of the TV companies wanted to touch it. They were quite keen on all the sex and violence – good for ratings. But they said the intelligent life was ‘not sympathetic enough,’ that viewers would have trouble believing that they were that intelligent and that their behaviour made any sense.

Still, we almost had a network sale until these so-called intelligent creatures invented that thing they called politics.

Their craziest invention yet.

After that, all talk of a TV franchise ended rather quickly.

So, probably, if we can get Him to agree we’ve decided the whole thing needs a complete reboot… and the sooner, the better.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

4 thoughts on “Software Problems

  1. I will not agree to a reboot of any kind. You’ll have to take me kicking and screaming. You see, this is my only chance.

    Dang software engineers – never paying attention to the needs of the real customers.

    You could have come up with a manual! No. Instead I have to figure out everything from running the program over and over.

    Like

    1. No – not a manual. Never

      Give users a manual and they’ll all think they know what to do.

      Keep ’em guessing – it’s the only way.

      All the money is made through the premium rate tech-support helplines anyway.

      Like

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