Hollywood’s Sexiest Leading Man

As everyone knows, Bollard Chestwig is one of Hollywood’s top actors, playing some of the most successful romantic lead roles in the history of cinema. Unfortunately, his latest film Return of the Nasty Thing IV has not been as successful as the other films in the series. Many critics have put this down to the fact that Chestwig keeps his shirt on throughout the film and he never even gets it slightly moistened. Even though there are to scenes near a river, one next to a fountain and the film is set in the exotic and glamorous location of the Manchester to Liverpool canal.

Many of the legions of female Chestwig fans have taken to social media to criticise his performance in this latest film. Some comparing it to several of his previous films where he took his shirt off completly, or it got very damp.

However, Chestwig himself has said that he sees himself as a serious actor, not just as a sexy hunk. He has denied that up until his latest film he has had final say over any script changes. There are claims that he often demands that a scene be inserted into the film where he either takes his shirt off or gets it wet. A number of critics condemned him for taking his wet shirt off in his previous film, when he played the lead role in his self-directed biopic of Oliver Hardy. Some argue that this critical lambasting that turned him against removing his shirt in any subsequent films.

Nevertheless, after the critical panning of his Hardy film, many of the more devoted Chestwig fans claimed that he should forget about chasing critical and artistic acclaim by continuing to make worthy films. They say he should go back to the sort of roles he has made his own in romantic drama, romantic comedy and action films that necessitate him getting more than a little damp as he rescues the female lead from peril.

Of course, at 39 (+/- 25) years old, many in the film world believe that Chestwig is getting too old to play these sort of roles, especially when playing against female leads barely out of their teens. Some critics think that now his legendary chest hair is turning grey, Chestwig has turned towards the more artistic – and potentially award-winning – films that he has briefly experimented with in recent years. Such projects as his attempt to play the lead role in The Donald Trump Story as a dramatic, perhaps even tragic, hero and not as the slapstick comedy everyone in Hollywood expected.

It was the artistic and critical failure, as well as the poor box office returns of these recent films of his that many believe made Chestwig revert to the kind of role he does best. In his latest film, though, he never manages to take his shirt off as his many thousands of fans have come to expect.

The only question that remains is will he, in the future, despite his advancing years, go back to giving his fans what they want and if not remove his shirt as the script demands, or – at least – get it slightly damp.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

5 thoughts on “Hollywood’s Sexiest Leading Man

  1. I particularly dislike actors of 40+ playing opposite dewy young things ‘barely out of their teens.’ It strikes me as ‘dirty old men.’

    Possibly it is a contract requirement the actors can include because they in a position of power in the world, possibly the dewy young things are resigned to put up with the requirements if it means having their name above the title on a film.

    Or is that merely sour grapes? Dunno. But it isn’t seemly.

    And it always bothers me that the result is usually a dewy, past her prime when the actor kicks the bucket, dealing with the aftermath (usually a child or two) as a widow.

    MUST be sour grapes. They do all have fun at it for such a long time, and the widows are rich. Some of them. If lucky.

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    1. Power and status are supposed to make men attractive to women – never having either of them I wouldn’t know. But that does suggest that such men would be older. There is that thing in erotic fiction too, where all the desireable men in them are seemingly billionaires (but also usually young billionaires interestingly).

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      1. I would distrust being attracted to a man who has obviously spent all his energy earning money. You are going to be bored (if possibly rich) when he continues doing so.

        I know a young millionaire. Sweet kid, son of a friend. His lifestyle isn’t healthy – he spends his entire day on the computer.

        Being ignored might be a challenge, but maybe not a winnable one.

        I can understand, a bit, wanting a very rich husband. But I would not find it erotic to always be second in his affections. What do you do all day? Other than get into trouble with men who want YOUR money?

        OTOH, what do I know? Maybe it would mean I could write all day.

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      2. That’s the trouble. In reality billionaires are like Trump or Bernie Ecclestone. Although, on the other hand you’d be able to buy the finest writing materials.

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      3. Well, yes, but the billionaire Jeffrey something who supposedly did these things with Trump is a registered sex offender, money or no money. I’m shooting my mouth off, not knowing details, but billionaires don’t necessarily get everything they want: they still only get one vote each. I think that’s what they’re scared we’ll find out.

        Mrs. Clinton wants to tax that huge and growing income discrepancy – and there are a LOT of special interests who don’t want that to happen. I hope she manages at least part of her agenda – I mean, how many pairs of pants can you even wear at a time? Even if they’re gold-encrusted?

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