The New Revolutionary Dating App

Swiperight Longpress is probably now the richest and most famous internet entrepreneur in the world. He has a personal fortune estimated as ¾ of the entire earth economy. The mobile app he created that shot him to such wealth and fame is now the most popular on the planet, eclipsing Farcebook, Instadinnerpic, WhatTheHellsThat, Twattish, Snapprat and the thing by Google that is apparently still around.

The app, WnKr, has many argue revolutionised the whole dating app market. Some say it’s brought about a fundamental change in the way human beings interact with each other that goes way beyond the dating scene.

After trying a few dating apps when he was a penniless app developer, often without any success whatsoever, Longpress realised that the apps all had several shortcomings. Most of all was the horrifying realisation for the app users that using these programs on their mobile devices and computers brought with them a number of problems. First and foremost was the problem that once you ‘met’ someone on these apps, you still had to then go out and meet them in real life.

As most people know, other humans in real life are not that edifying a prospect. Not only do they have questionable hygiene standards and peculiar personal traits, most of them are idiots. A normal person would want to spend as little time as possible with other people. While those that used the dating apps were even worse.

This is where WnKr changed everything. After his first few failed attempts at building his own app, Longpress realised that the technology wasn’t the problem. That worked fine. The problem was other people. So, once he worked out a way to remove other people from the loop, then his app was ready for release.

It was an instant hit. Once users realised they could be a WnKr – as the users call themselves – then they no longer had to interact with other live human beings at all. They could conduct their meeting with people of whatever sex they desired in the app, in the certain knowledge they would not have to waste time pretending to be interested in the other person’s problems in real life.

The app comes with a number of virtual reality add-ons and accessories. These make it entirely possible to live, love and interact with the virtual avatars within the WnKr program without ever having to touch, stroke or smell another living human being, or to tidy up after them – unless, of course, that is your particular kink.

Some critics have argued that the increased social isolation caused by apps like WnKr and its many copycats is somehow damaging to the human race. However, many of them soon change their mind once they try a dating app, to go out shopping in the period running up to Christmas, or find themselves queuing outside a fashionable nightspot, with the rest of humanity.

The overwhelming success of WnKr goes to show that maybe humans are not really all that social a species after all. This is particularly the case when they – for example – have to consider spending some time with their immediate family over an extended holiday period.

In a recent interview Longpress said, ‘As Sartre said Hell is other People. So, I say heaven is being a WnKr.’


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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