Not Even Here

I gave these things names. I thought it was important at the time that this should be a named world and that the creatures I put there should also have names.

I have wanted a name for so long. For all those eons, I desired not just to be, but to be someone. But there was no-one here to give me a name. There was hardly even a here.

I knew I could create, that I could take nothing and turn it into something. I didn’t see the need though, not for a long time. I was all I needed.

Even so, there was something lacking, something even now I can’t quite put my finger on, something I can’t quite explain. It is true that this universe is mostly absence, a whole lot of nothing. Even I, though, knew it should not be this empty.

I thought about all those other universes, those I’d left behind. So many of them teeming with life. A few of them even had developed intelligent life. None of them had been the answer I was looking for. I had given names there, named all the creatures, including those that looked back at their skies and gave me a name.

Some of them, those that named me back, pleaded with me, begged me, worshipped me. All of them wanting to know why none of it ever made sense. Somehow, they thought that I would have the answers for them.

I don’t even have answers for myself, let alone for the creatures that walked the surfaces of all that I created.

So I walked away. I left them to it. I did not have the answers they needed. I knew all of them could only find the answers within themselves, and within the world they lived in. I was no more a part of their world than they were of the insects they watched crawling across the surface of their world. Their problems were not my problems, and my problems were not theirs. Neither of us could help each other.

And yet….

Here I am still looking for answers, still feeling the need to create things from this nothing around me. I still have the desire to take each creature and give it a name before setting it down and letting it run free. Much like those that stop and stare back at the sky with questions on their lips, I too have so many questions I have no answer to and problems that have no solution.

But I cannot walk away from myself. With a flick of the wrist, a gesture I could take all these worlds, all these universes and make them disappear into the nothingness they came from, leave this place – if it is a place – as empty as it was when I first woke up and found it all around me.

But I would still remain, and still those questions would haunt me, plague me.

All I want to know is what is this place and why am I here?


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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