The New Literary Sensation

Pennib Trustfund is probably the leading figure in today’s literary scene. Her works have all the literary critics in academia and the media raving about them. Some have said she is the most significant literary figure to appear in the 21st century and that her name will live on into the next century, as long as grants are allocated to literary studies.

Some outside the somewhat narrow literary genre have wondered what all the fuss is about, especially as so far Trustfund has only published three shopping lists, a reply to a spam email and a note to her cleaner. However, others point to the fact that her father is the owner and publisher of several broadsheet newspapers around the world, and that her mother is the CEO of the world’s largest book publishing company. Coincidently, Pennib Trustfund recently signed to that same publishing company for what is generally regarded as the largest advance in publishing history.

It is rumoured that Pennib Trustfund has also been negotiating to author a weekly syndicated to all her father’s newspapers for a world-record breaking sum for each column. However, no such column has yet appeared in any of the newspapers despite her columnist photo appearing on each newspaper’s website, Facebook page, Twitter feed and even – in a few cases – on the relevant newspaper’s G+ profile.

Her publicist, Smarmy Gobshite, has, however, resolutely denied that Trustfund’s family connections have in anyway influenced these signups and that Pennib herself is currently busy working on her first novel. A work that the publicist called ‘a searing indictment of the hollow, empty lives lived by today’s young rich kids.’ Gobshite has confidently predicted that Pennib should have at least a first draft of the first paragraph of the novel ready sometime in the next five years. Gobshite also pointed out that Trustfund has a very hectic and busy schedule, often having to attend more than one party, club opening, or fashion show each day, sometimes in different countries and time zones. He did confirm however, that Trustfund does have a computer and does know how to use the word processor software, at least enough to write her name. Although, he did admit that she does need lessons in how to use the spellcheck facility for anything more complicated than that.

Her publicist has also furiously denied that Pennib is currently looking for a ghost-writer to do the actual writing for her. Especially when it was discovered that her ‘stolen’ sex tape had been deliberately leaked to garner publicity for her change of career, and that it also used a body double for some of the more retweeted scenes.

However, Pennib Trustfund herself has said that she feels that she is a writer ‘down to the very core of my being’. Adding that all seventeen of her previously announced careers, from airline pilot to fashion model to celebrity chef have all been attempts to ‘find herself’. But now she has – she claims – at last found her true calling, before asking the assembled press if any of them knew ‘what a novel is?’

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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