How To Do Perversion – Part One

Well, now, of course if you have a well-lubricated llama (I find a good rubbing with linseed oil rather invigorating myself, but for the llama any old oil will do). Then you can proceed to the next step.

This is, obviously enough, to make sure that the traffic warden is securely fastened to the table tennis table at ALL four corners, before carefully introducing a well-buttered politician.

Some people do, apparently, prefer to alternate the buttered politician with a suitably-moistened member of the clergy. However, please make sure that all participants are well aware of the impending substitution before commencing the activities, as there is a danger that at least some of the post-perversion cream cakes could end up being utilised in what is sometimes – quite frankly – a rather unhygienic manner.

Still, once the candles are lit, and the lighting and positioning of the participants have been made suitable for future blackmailing purposes (don’t forget to check that the camera is working!), you can then release the honeyed weasels and set free the vibrating electro-badgers. Finally, you will be ready to begin!

Yours perversely: Norbert Trouser-Quandary

[A tale from the From the LFITW archive. More from Little Frigging in the Wold here]



Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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